Only Love (The Atonement Duet Book 2) Read online

  I rolled my eyes. As much as I needed to be away from him and craved it with a fierce compulsion, I couldn’t go back, not now.

  I called my sister and she answered on the second ring.

  “What are you doing and when the hell are you coming home?” Caitlyn asked without a greeting.

  “Not right now,” I replied. I stood and signaled to the waiter to hold my place, pointing at my half-full glass and slipped off the barstool. “I am responding to the voicemail you sent me. I want you to know that I’m not coming home anytime soon so I suggest you don’t hold your breath.”

  Caitlyn laughed wryly. “Stop being so goddamn selfish and think about other people for once, will you? Colin is an absolute mess and all of this is your fault! You could have prevented all of this by explaining how you felt. You didn’t need to run away. Aren’t you getting sick and tired of starting over?”

  I walked toward the signs that pointed to the restrooms. It involved a steep climb down stairs and I loosely held the railing as I walked down. “I haven’t started over. I am just doing my own thing and living my life the way I want to li—”

  I stopped mid-sentence when my heel caught on a loose thread of carpeting and before I knew it, my iPhone went flying and I tumbled down the flight of stairs. I landed at the bottom on plush red carpet, but a sinking feeling settled as the cramps began to rip incessantly through my body.

  Several young couples immediately came to my side.

  “Don’t move!” a young Asian woman told me. “I’m calling the ambulance right now.”

  I tried to sit up and realized I hadn’t broken anything that I knew of but my whole abdomen felt like it was being ripped open.

  A pool of blood flooded the seat of my pants and the stain continued to expand on the scarlet carpet.

  “My God, you’re bleeding!” another woman said shrilly.

  It hit me then what was happening and although there was an emptiness in my heart as my body continued to betray me and the child I knew I would never have, I couldn’t help feeling a sense of elation as well and I knew it was so very wrong. How could I have wanted something like this to happen? Had I done something to purposely cause it?

  The rest of the evening was a blur as the ambulance and two attendants arrived, quickly loaded me onto a portable gurney, and I was taken to Thornton Hospital. Shortly after I was given medication and rushed to an emergency room, I blacked out.

  ***

  I awoke to a room flooded with flowers and “Get well soon!” cards. I wondered how so many people could have found out about my condition already. The first person I saw was a young lady I hoped to God was my physician. She was a small, attractive Asian-American woman, barely five feet and ninety pounds. I stared at her as she walked closer and began to check my vitals.

  “Good morning, my name is Doctor Evers. I’m your attending physician and I operated on you last night.” Her voice sounded strong and self-assured with just the right amount of empathy that put me immediately at ease.

  “I had a miscarriage, didn’t I?”

  She raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Yes, you did. Physically, you’re fine and that is saying something when you take into consideration the tumble you took last night. You will be sore and bruised, but the swelling should decrease rather quickly. Unfortunately the vast majority of the damage happened to the fetus you were carrying. We tried our best to save the baby but you began to hemorrhage and at that point, my only concern was saving your life. I’m very sorry about your loss though. You are perfectly healthy and have not lost the ability to have children. I’m happy to report I was able to keep all your female organs intact.”

  I nodded slowly, thinking about what this all meant. At least I wouldn’t have to break my sister’s heart with the news the baby I was carrying had been her boyfriend’s, and furthermore, I could hopefully stop breaking Colin’s heart. I still loved him even if we couldn’t be together but it had never been part of my plans to raise another man’s child with him.

  “You have visitors who have come all the way from Seattle to see you so I will allow them inside.”

  My heart fell a bit. “Thank you,” I responded.

  All my friends and family knew where I was now and that accounted for the flowers.

  Dr. Evers left and Colin walked into the door after her departure. He looked awful and it was apparent he’d barely gotten any rest in the past couple of weeks. It didn’t escape me I was the reason why his life was as miserable as it was at the moment but that didn’t change the way I felt or the decision I’d made. I wasn’t going back to Seattle. Not now, perhaps never.

  He stopped short of my bed and ran a hand through his flaxen blond hair, which was already messy, seeming to wear a permanent scowl. His eyes were smudged with dark circles underneath. The anger he had for me was so palpable, I could feel the tension in the room as it rose from him just being there with me.

  I honestly didn’t know what to say to the man I still loved when the sight of him secretly made my skin crawl. Again, all I could think about was how easily I’d allowed him to slide for murdering my father. It didn’t seem right and I felt so weak and useless for the words I used which absolved him of his guilt.

  He and his brother should have been guilty as hell. He had every right to look awful and I hoped he felt worse than how he looked. I couldn’t think of one good reason to feel any different, and this saddened me because I always wanted to believe I was not a heartless or vengeful human being.

  “I’m sure you’re wondering how we found you,” Colin said quietly with an intense glare.

  “Not really. I was on the phone with Caitlyn when I slipped and fell. All she had to do was trace the phone I was using and although she might not know how to do that herself, you and Liam would.” “She had a strong suspicion you would be here, you know.” He walked around the room and began to examine the cards contained within the flowers. “Here or Los Angeles or Las Vegas—those were the most obvious choices.”

  “Well they are all within a day’s drive and she knows me. I wouldn’t settle in the south or the Midwest and I am done with the East Coast. Plus I couldn’t drive that far. It’s important I settled close enough to be only a short plane ride away. In case you failed to realize it, the anniversary of my father’s death is coming up soon and my mother has pretty much been depressed beyond belief since it happened. She hasn’t had the chance to get over it.”

  Colin picked up a card attached to a beautiful black and red vase filled with white roses. “Who’s Drake?”

  I rolled my eyes and turned away from him, lying on my side. “He’s my next door neighbor and the head chef at Rouge.”

  “Is that all he is to you?”

  “Not that it is any of your business but yes, that is all he is to me. I was alone last night when I decided to go out to dinner. I was on my way to the women’s restroom when I slipped and fell down the stairs. I wanted to check out his restaurant,” I stated with a little too much bite.

  I didn’t owe Colin any explanation about Drake whatsoever, so why was I giving him one? Even if the guy was a lover, I had broken off our engagement and given him back his ring. We might as well be strangers all over again and if I had decided to have a wild love affair with Drake, now that I’d lost the baby, I didn’t owe anyone any justifications for my actions at all.

  Colin set the card down as if it were diseased. “I wanted to make sure you were all right and I hoped we could talk about you…coming home.”

  My side began to ache as cramps seized my abdomen and I turned onto my back again. “What part of I am home don’t you understand?” I glared at him and knew my eyes were cold and heartless but I’d reached the point beyond caring; I just wanted to get rid of him. “I’ve left Seattle, Colin—perhaps for good. I left our engagement, our home, and our life together. I can’t trust you, and although I love you very much, I can no longer pretend you and Liam didn’t do what you did.

  “In a way, you two destroyed my l
ife, my mother’s life, and my sister’s life. Now, God strike me dead because I haven’t told my sister the truth, but eventually she will learn what happened and that will be between her and Liam to work out. I want no part of it and I don’t want to be the one to break her heart because she would blame me, not him.”

  “Oh, Deirdre, you always have to play the martyr, don’t you?” Colin walked toward me and stopped several inches from my bed. “That’s what I don’t understand about you. You said everything was okay and we could pull through this but it was all a lie. You couldn’t handle the truth then and you certainly can’t handle it now. Why couldn’t you be honest with your feelings and emotions? Why must you always say one thing yet mean another? If I lied to you then you certainly lied to me, so you are not innocent in this situation and stop pretending you are.”

  I shook my head. “I can’t talk to you right now, Colin. Please, I just had a miscarriage and this isn’t exactly the best time to get into it with you about our former relationship.”

  “That’s fine with me but listen when I tell you I am not going anywhere. I am staying here until you do feel well enough to talk to me and I won’t be leaving until we can hash this out. You got that?”

  His face looked angry and his pallor was the color of beets but I looked past him and into the warm and handsome yet worried face of Drake. His pale greenish blue eyes looked concerned as he walked into my room and he held yet another vase full of roses, though these were red.

  “Is this a bad time?” he asked.

  “No,” I said.

  “Yes,” Colin said at the same time.

  Drake looked from me to Colin and back again. “I’m Drake O’Connell. I also happen to be Deirdre’s neighbor and she was visiting my restaurant when this unfortunate incident happened. I’m a bit scared about being sued since the restaurant is half mine along with my very wealthy investor so I am trying to ply her with roses to hopefully stop a future lawsuit.”

  Colin’s crystal blue eyes turned to ice. “Is this some kind of joke to you, buddy? Because my fiancée just lost our child! I don’t find this situation amusing or funny in any way, and just for you making such a lame ass attempt to make her laugh should have me running to my family’s attorney.”

  “Colin, please.” I grabbed his hand closest to mine and squeezed it gently. “Why don’t you go get a cup of coffee and come back in five minutes? Take some time and walk it off? I’m not going anywhere.”

  Perhaps it was my tone of voice but he actually listened and reluctantly let go of my hand, leaned over, kissed my forehead, and walked out of the room.

  Chapter Five

  Drake walked over to my bedside and stared down at me with concerned, then smiled gently.

  “Sorry, I seem to have the worst timing in the world when it comes to jokes. I shouldn’t have said that and it was highly insensitive of me, especially when you are lying in a hospital bed and all of this…it’s just tragic.”

  I smiled because he truly did look sorry for his lousy attempt at humor.

  “Colin is super sensitive and he also happens to be my former fiancé. We have quite the history, but to be honest, it isn’t really any of your business.”

  His pale aquamarine eyes changed and all the playfulness vanished. “I had no idea you two were so close. I am…stuck in a similar situation since the co-owner of my restaurant is also a former lover.”

  “So what are you doing here flirting with me?” It might have sounded a bit blunt but I’d played enough games in my life and considered myself too old for them. Not to mention I had just suffered a miscarriage and wasn’t exactly feeling like sweetness and sunshine. Truth be told, I felt like shit run over twice and ground into the asphalt for good measure.

  Drake raised an eyebrow. “I believe that is why we call them ex-lovers. We are no longer an item and I am very much attracted to you.”

  “Ah, a man that is not only sexy but forward too. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

  “Well, we’re neighbors and you did take an unfortunate fall at my restaurant, for which I feel like shit. I didn’t come because I was afraid you would sue. I came because I was generally concerned about your wellbeing and hoped you were all right,” he said in that deep, husky voice which seemed like the perfect combination of velvet and melted Sugar in the Raw.

  What the hell kind of drugs did Dr. Evers give me? Here I was in way too much pain yet my body already envisioned hot, passionate sex with this delicious and beautiful chef? I was completely certifiable.

  “Perhaps once I leave here we can go out on a proper date then?” I suggested. “First, I have to get rid of my family and I am sure there are more of them out there just dying to talk to me.”

  “Well, now that you have mentioned it, there is an angry blonde with her boyfriend and also another guy with a redhead.”

  “That would be my sister, Caitlyn, and her significant other, Liam. The other couple I am assuming to be Drew and Aubrey, though I had no idea she’d dyed her hair…not that it’s a surprise.”

  “Are all the people you know as beautiful as you are?” Drake whispered conspiratorially.

  “Of course. I try not to hang out with the undesirable and ugly of society,” I whispered back sarcastically.

  “I will see you later then, and let your family have their way with you.”

  “You do that.” Smiling, I watched him walk out of the room.

  The only memory I had of our whole conversation was his nice ass leaving the room and for someone like me, that was definitely a bad thing.

  Caitlyn and Liam walked in shortly after Drake left and I closed my eyes, curled up in a ball, and wished I could be by myself. Nothing good would come out of the conversation and I just didn’t want to deal with their bullshit on top of my own.

  My sister gave me a look that told me she disapproved. Her natural, honey blonde hair was up in a chignon, though she was dressed casually in a pair of turquoise jean Capri pants and a white spaghetti-strapped baby doll blouse that ended at her hips. Liam was equally casual and attractive in a black t-shirt and a pair of slightly baggy blue jeans.

  “Hello, sister dearest,” Caitlyn said coolly. “I hope this whole experience has taught you a very important lesson. Does this mean you’ve decided to come back to Seattle?”

  I sighed and stretched out in the bed, then raised the lever on the bed so I could sit up and face them. “Listen to me, I am not going back to Seattle and I am going to tell you the same thing I told Colin. I’ve made a life here and I don’t plan to leave it. I’m not sure there is a future between us and there is no reason for me to go back. I hate to dash your hopes but what transpired between us is no one’s business but our own.”

  Liam began to pace. He knew exactly what I was talking about and from his obvious behavior he hadn’t been honest with my sister yet. It wouldn’t be me who told her the kind of man she was dating; she would have to find that out on her own.

  Although Colin was good looking and held a unique charm of his own, Liam was overwhelmingly the more charismatic of the two and exuded raw sexual attraction. His rugged features combined with sky blue eyes, light brown hair with natural blond streaks throughout, his height, and lean muscular body qualified him as a ladies man from the get-go. However, he was now off the market thanks to Caitlyn and her feminine wiles. He’d always had a soft spot for me though, and this both irked and made my sister feel somewhat less secure in her relationship with him than she should have.

  “What do you mean? You specifically told us whatever went down between you two you forgave him. The man is in misery over what you have done to him yet you sit there in that hospital bed and tell us his pain means nothing to you? How could you be so cold and callous?”

  “Easy, I learned it from the masters,” I said, staring at him. “Don’t you dare judge me, because you don’t know what I’ve been through and you can’t possibly understand what my life has been like. I don’t owe either one of you an explanation and I don’t plan
to make up one now.”

  “Who’s this Drake character and why was he allowed to visit you before we were? We’re family for Christ’s sake!” Caitlyn exclaimed.

  “It was his restaurant where the accident happened and he felt bad.”

  “So you being attracted to him had nothing to do with him kicking Colin out so he could spend some time with you?”

  “Um, Drake didn’t ask Colin to leave—I did. He was completely out of control and now he claims he is going to stay here until he can change my mind and make me reconsider my decision. As far as I am concerned if that happens, it would be better if he wasn’t here.”

  If looks could kill, Liam would have delivered one to me that would have caused me instantaneous death. “Nice to know that’s how you view the man who was supposed to be the father of your child and your husband.”

  I was sick of everything and everyone. I pressed the buzzer underneath the blanket. “You know what? If I ever had any intentions of coming back to Seattle then you have both ruined it! I don’t need you coming here and making me feel bad for something that was an accident. Perhaps it was the final straw and this really means Colin and I aren’t meant to be. I don’t know, but what I do understand is that you being here, crowding me, trying to make me feel something I can’t at the moment isn’t helping. I know I am being rude but can the both of you just go?”

  Caitlyn stared at me open-mouthed though she said nothing, and moments later a nurse came in and didn’t give her the opportunity.

  “Ms. Bardot has experienced a traumatic incident and she needs her rest. I am afraid visiting hours have been cut off for her and you will have to come back tomorrow.”