Only Love (The Atonement Duet Book 2) Read online

  I had no intention of allowing my tough resolve to break but I began to laugh hysterically and he joined me shortly afterwards.

  “The name is Deirdre Bardot.”

  “You mean like the famous French actress?”

  “Yes.”

  “Drake O’Connell at your service. You have no idea how embarrassed I am about the situation in which we are meeting. A beautiful woman like yourself deserves a dozen white roses and a nice bottle of Pinot Grigio to welcome you to the neighborhood. Sorry I haven’t brought either one and come asking for something from you instead of giving to you,” he explained in a hypnotically deep and sensual voice.

  I crossed my arms against my breasts. “You’re lucky I am a health nut and the only sugar I keep on hand is in the raw. How much do you need?”

  “A cup should do,” he replied, sounding extremely relieved.

  I left the door open, walked to the kitchen, and opened the pantry. Everything was organized as if I had lived in the place for years instead of a week. I grabbed half a package of Sugar in the Raw and took it back to the doorstep where Drake still stood.

  “I know this is more than a cup but you can keep the rest. Think of it as a present from me to you.”

  Our hands touched only slightly at the exchange and it was pure electricity. I didn’t want to imagine those hands anywhere near any other part of my body and secretly hated myself for feeling anything at all when the situation between Colin and I was far from resolved.

  I was the first to pull away and attempted a warm smile of encouragement though fell short.

  Drake turned to walk away then he stopped and faced me again. “Why are you being so nice to me? All I know about you is you turned up into town rather suddenly and bought Ground Beans from its struggling owner. I’m a bit concerned about what it seems you’re running from…or is it whom you are running from?”

  My whole body language changed from open to guarded almost immediately. I grimaced at the sheer audacity of this man asking me any personal questions at all. “I am not running from anything or anyone. Believe me, if I was a fugitive, I wouldn’t tell you. Since I’m not, I don’t owe any sort of explanation to you. Enjoy the sugar.”

  I slammed the door in his face and leaned against the locked door, my heart thundering in my chest.

  How the hell did I end up with such a nosy freakin’ next door neighbor and why the hell did he have to be so damn good looking?

  ***

  An hour after the “Drake incident,” I had dinner for one: baked free range chicken and couscous with a spinach salad covered in raspberry vinaigrette dressing. Then I did what I knew needed to be done. It had been too long and it wasn’t fair I’d called Liam before I called Colin. This would be the hardest call I would have to make. He simply wouldn’t understand and if I put myself in his shoes, neither would I.

  A little over two weeks ago, I had forgiven him. He and his brother had murdered my father in a hit and run accident that had taken place almost a year previously. They’d both been high on Bath Salts and covered up the crime beautifully because to that very day, there were no suspects and the Seattle Police Department never arrested anyone despite their rigorous and determined investigation.

  It had left my mother devastated, my sister a workaholic who’d ended up in a relationship with her father’s killer, unbeknownst to her, and me in love with the second murderer. There had also been a whirlwind trip to Western Europe involved to ease me out of the feeling of hopelessness and inertia I’d felt since the death of my father the day before Thanksgiving.

  Life had changed so very much over the past few months. Drew, my best friend and first love, now was in a semi-relationship with my cousin Aubrey. They were comfortable though I couldn’t say whether or not they were in love. I’d accepted a job at uConnect, which had lasted more than a few weeks and a change in management since Liam and his partners had sold the company to an even bigger high-tech company. Colin had realized his dream of owning his own bar, which served great food. He was no longer considered a slacker but a productive member of the community and a business owner.

  So, what had caused me to run if I was happy and in love with another man for the second time in my life? I finally realized love couldn’t cure what I felt in my heart. Although I loved Colin very much, another part of me hated him for what he had done to my family.

  How could I, in good conscience, agree to marry the man who had killed my father yet didn’t feel enough remorse to turn himself in and pay the consequences for what he did?

  Hence my dilemma and the reason why all I felt like doing was running away. However, there was another reason, one based upon instinct and emotion. The reason why I had forgiven him so easily was because I found out I was pregnant. We were expecting a child together and how could I live with myself if I sent the father of my child up the creek and made him turn himself in? If he was lucky, he and his brother would end up with criminal records, but with all the money they had, the chances of them serving any time in prison would be next to nil.

  Unfortunately, my initial surprise of being pregnant by Colin had turned into a bleak realization the last time I’d visited the doctor. At the time, I believed I was seven or eight weeks pregnant but the doctor informed me I was in fact further along and almost in my second trimester.

  The problem with this scenario was I hadn’t slept with Colin until our trip to Western Europe so it couldn’t possibly be his baby.

  I’d had a reckless one night stand with Liam, his brother, and although we used protection, obviously that night wasn’t as memorable to me as I thought it had been. We made love numerous times and at least one of those times, a condom had not been used. I was on birth control, but it was a low-hormone variety and the chances of an unintended pregnancy climbed quite a bit over a regular birth control pill.

  I then went back and searched my mind for what kind of medications I was taking along with the low-hormone birth control pill. Although I could not find evidence to the contrary, either I had not taken my birth control pills as directed or one of the medications my doctor had put me on interfered with the pill and made it easier for me to become pregnant.

  I faced quite the pickle because I was about to marry a man whose baby I was not carrying. It belonged to his brother, who happened to be dating my sister. I was already hiding a colossal secret from my sister since she had no idea our two “perfect guys” were the ones who’d murdered our father. More than one secret was too much to take and this was what I planned to tell Colin when I finally spoke to him.

  It was the kind of call any woman dreaded to make because not only did I feel like the guilty party, I knew I would shatter this man’s heart. Would that be such a bad thing after what he and his brother had done to my family? And did I still want this baby at all knowing what I knew?

  It wasn’t too late. I was still in my first trimester and if I was going to make a fresh start, perhaps an abortion would have to be involved with that new life. Did I really want to raise the child of a man who had directly been responsible for my own father’s untimely death?

  The thoughts floated around my brain and almost drove me mad. I tried to focus on one thing at a time. It was now or never. I picked up my iPhone and searched for Colin’s cell phone number. Before I could stop myself, I pressed the phone button and listened to the ring as it echoed in my ear. There was no turning back now.

  Chapter Three

  Colin watched with interest as Aubrey made drinks and took up some of the slack for the overloaded waiters and waitresses. She grabbed an order which consisted of two pitchers of beer and four empty pilsner glasses and walked it out to the table.

  Although Bardot’s was technically a bar, the place was also a restaurant, so people ran up tabs and then paid before they left. Colin could afford to have such an attitude since most of his clientele was on the upper end of the income scale and being stiffed for drinks didn’t happen. He also had a couple of fit bodyguards who wandered arou
nd and took care of drunk patrons, along with acting as protection for the attractive women who worked for him and Drew.

  He should have been sitting on top of the world. He had his own business and was expecting a baby with the woman he loved, but instead he was in his own private purgatory.

  Deirdre had accepted the news well enough and she seemed to be fine until he arrived home late one night to a note and her new Ford hybrid gone from the driveway. Her words were pretty much bullshit as far as he was concerned, though what they amounted to was she had to be on her own with his baby and she would be in contact soon.

  Colin wasn’t stupid. His first actions were calling his cell phone carrier to put a trace on her phone. He discovered it was turned off and had not been used outside of Seattle, so they had no direction to point him toward. This meant Deirdre had taken precautions herself and likely had another phone in her possession.

  He called Caitlyn to see if she knew anything about her sister’s disappearing act, but she was as clueless as Colin and equally as concerned.

  “Where could she have gone? I know she wouldn’t have risked a trip back east, not in the car!” he’d exclaimed to his future sister-in-law.

  “I don’t know.” Caitlyn paused. “However, something tells me she is still here in the States. I don’t see her driving to Canada, so that leaves pretty much three other states she could have disappeared to.”

  “What? You don’t think she could be in Tacoma, or perhaps Vancouver?”

  “No, I don’t, Colin. She would have most definitely left Washington and she would never settle in Vancouver. She isn’t all that crazy about suburban life and being that close to Portland, she would have just settled there. I don’t think she’s in Oregon though. She would have kept going south…much further south. Your best bet is to check either Southern California—specifically Los Angeles or San Diego because she would most definitely bypass the Orange and San Bernardino Counties—or Clark County.”

  “Clark County? That would be where Las Vegas is, right?”

  Caitlyn had clucked her tongue on the other end of the phone. “Yes, but there’s more to Las Vegas than gambling, casinos, and wedding chapels, you know. She would have wanted to go somewhere she could lose herself and had decent suburbs and housing. Those are the only three places I can think of that are less than a day’s drive from here and have decent suburbs where she could settle down and become just another anonymous person.”

  “Thanks,” he’d responded, and was about to end the call when Caitlyn called his name.

  “Colin, what’s this about? Did it have anything to do with the talk you had with Liam? Is my sister all right? Has she been hurt by you in any way? Why would she run if everything is perfectly fine between you two?”

  “That is something you would be better off talking to Liam about than me,” Colin had said.

  That had been a week ago and Deirdre was still missing. He would have really lost it if Liam hadn’t told him he’d spoken to her and she was fine and safe. She had a place to stay and had bought a business wherever she’d gone. She was happy and healthy, but she couldn’t stand to be around Liam or Colin at the moment now that she knew the truth about what had happened to her father.

  His personal phone rang and though the area code was local, he didn’t recognize the number. He immediately answered the phone while leaning against the bar for support.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, Colin. How are you?”

  Her voice sounded like liquid honey to his ears. It was so very good to hear from her again. “I’m terrible.” He grabbed a bottle of Dewar’s and poured himself a shot. Although the slow and steady burn calmed him, he wanted the numbness of the alcohol more than the smooth taste in his mouth.

  “Colin, I know I left you in a lurch and I am sorry about that, but I had to get away.”

  “A lurch? Is that what you call this shitty and utterly ridiculous situation you’ve left me to explain to all our friends and family?” Colin walked away from the bar and made it to his office, closed the door behind himself, and leaned against it. “You disappeared and barely said goodbye. The least you could have done was inform me where you were going. If you told me you needed space, you know I would have given it to you.”

  “It’s a little more complicated than just needing space. You and your brother murdered my father in cold blood. Yes, I forgave you, but that was my mistake and one I will have to live with for the rest of my life. It wasn’t really my place to absolve you of your crimes when I know what my mother is going through. I’m sorry I acted in haste, but I realized I couldn’t marry you and I don’t want to raise a child with you either.

  “I need to be on my own for a while. I needed to remove myself from the whole sordid situation and be able to view it from the outside looking in. If that wasn’t the only issue, there’s something else you should know. When I tell you, you aren’t going to want me anyway so it’s pretty much a moot point.”

  Colin closed his eyes and tried to slow his heart, which thundered in his chest with such intensity it was hard for him to breathe. “What is it?”

  “The baby…”

  “What about the baby? Stop playing games with me!”

  “This child isn’t yours, Colin.”

  The words hit him like a sledgehammer and all of a sudden his head hurt more than his heart could ever ache. “I don’t understand. What do you mean the baby isn’t mine?”

  “Don’t be stupid.” Deidre sighed, sounding almost relieved to get her feelings off her chest. “The doctor did some more tests and it turns out I was further along than we thought. The baby can’t possibly be yours because when it was conceived, we hadn’t slept together yet. The baby belongs to Liam. I can’t do that to him or my sister, so I thought the best option would be to disappear and make a life somewhere on my own. You have to give me the space I need. I refuse to live a lie and in the end, you will only resent me for trapping you in a marriage with a child that isn’t your own.”

  The cell phone suddenly felt slippery in his fingers and he set it down on the desk, pushing the speaker phone option. “Regardless if the child does belong to Liam, he or she would always belong to us, Deirdre. I love you very much and I am willing to do anything, even if that means raising my brother’s child. He or she is my blood—it’s my niece or nephew. Please come home and don’t do this to us. We can work it out. I swear I will be there for you…I’m not going anywhere and you know that.”

  He could hear her tears and quiet sobbing.

  “I know that deep in my heart but you must allow me to weigh all my options and make this decision on my own…without you. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you and I know that is exactly what I am doing right now. But I can’t do this. I can’t handle this when the anniversary of my father’s death is mere months away. Please, allow me to do this and when I’m ready, I will contact you again.”

  “Deirdre, I—”

  “I have to go.” She hung up the phone and the number blinked on his Samsung with an ended call message.

  Colin tried to get a grip. He walked over and sat down but his whole world seemed to be spinning further and further out of his control. His body sagged and he collapsed on the floor. And just like that, a life that seemed like it would finally be okay had been shattered in the blink of an eye.

  Chapter Four

  The week following my very emotional conversation with Colin was hard to say the least. I had no clue what I was doing. All I knew was it felt right and I couldn’t allow myself to be chained to any man ever again.

  Perhaps that was why Drew and I hadn’t worked out. He was always there and he wanted to protect me from everything evil and unsavory in the world. This was the first time I could actually say I was living my life on my own terms.

  Everything really did feel like it was coming together, and although I had a hot neighbor I avoided at all costs and a business that did relatively well, my life had become so much richer and deeper. I realiz
ed I only had to cook for myself, and when I didn’t feel like it, I could always go out to dinner.

  There had been very few times in the past I’d ever ventured out to dinner alone. I still hadn’t met any real friends to bond with so I showered and dressed in a pair of black jeggings, an oversized scarlet silk shirt, and a pair of scarlet Christian Louboutin booties. I allowed my wavy hair to flow down my back and put on just enough makeup to appear attractive but not enough to overdo it.

  I had read in La Jolla Magazine about a hot, happening restaurant called Rouge. It did very well and always featured the crème de la crème of La Jolla society. The food was excellent and the chef, Drake O’Connell, who’d studied at Le Cordon Bleu in Paris, was not only young at the tender age of thirty-one, but he’d also worked for one of the top restaurants in Las Vegas before Rouge had stolen him from them.

  Not that much of the information I read came as a surprise since Drake had told me himself. I knew my hot neighbor’s occupation and where he worked previously thanks to his surprise visit to “borrow sugar.”

  This piqued my interest beyond belief and due to my curiosity, I promptly left my condo and drove to Rouge, which was located on prime beach real estate. The restaurant itself was very minimalist. Due to its name, the black building mostly made of glass featured a décor bathed in different reds accented by generous helpings of black. It was beautiful, and crowded. Although I was eating alone, I would still have to wait forty-five minutes to be seated. The maitre’d suggested I sit at the bar while I waited for my table to become available.

  While I shouldn’t have really been drinking since I was pregnant, I opted for a small glass of Pinot Noir. I pulled out my iPhone and checked my messages. There were a couple. The first was from my mother. She sounded depressed as usual and I made a mental note to give her a call the following day. The second message was from a rushed Caitlyn who asked me to call her back, and the last message was from Colin. The love of my life had turned into “beggin’ ass Colin”. His messages were always detailed and full of regret and longing.