Only Love (The Atonement Duet Book 2) Read online

  “Deirdre, this isn’t over,” my sister murmured to me as she and Liam followed the nurse out.

  It was only then I felt slightly bad about my decision. I didn’t have a chance to see Drew or Aubrey and I very much wanted to visit with them. Oh well, tomorrow was another day.

  ***

  As fate would have it, I didn’t end up seeing Drew or Aubrey while I was in the hospital. I was released two days after my confrontations with Colin, Liam, and Caitlyn. The nurse had reported the incidents to Dr. Evers and she quickly instituted a no-visitors policy for me due to the “emotional trauma” I’d experienced after the miscarriage.

  “I’m not an idiot. I know that one guy—the blond—was an ex-fiancé of some sort and I can’t have you under any additional pressure or stress. It could cause you to hemorrhage again and that would be a disaster.” Dr. Evers looked at me with intense sympathy. “I pride myself on my skills as a talented physician and I am quite happy you’re still able to conceive but if something was to happen and I had to clean you up, I would never forgive myself. You are much too young to go through a hysterectomy, not to mention what it would do to your self-esteem. Women always believe children aren’t that important until they are told they can no longer have them ever, at least not naturally.”

  After her speech, I didn’t fight any of her advice and was perfectly happy without having visitors at the hospital. I managed to speak to my mother on the phone. She apologized for not being able to show up but she sounded terrible and I was worried about her state of mind. Perhaps losing Dad was too much for her and the thought of living a life without him was too much to take.

  Jeanette, my mother, had adopted me when I was a toddler, and although she was Caitlyn’s biological mother, she wasn’t mine. However, since she’d raised me due to the premature death of my real mother at a very young age, I still considered her my mom in every sense of the word.

  Drake showed up nice and early to help me get ready and drive me back to the condo on the day I was discharged. To say I was taken aback to see him yet again, and so soon, was the understatement of the year.

  “How did you know I was being released today?” I asked in complete and utter surprise.

  “I have become quite chatty with your friend Drew and your cousin Aubrey. Are they together? She’s stunning. And yes, I can see the family resemblance.”

  I rolled my eyes and grabbed the plastic bag he handed to me. “Yeah right. We look nothing alike. She is a stunning brunette with blue eyes men die for and, if I’m not mistaken, I believe she’s dyed her hair auburn. She is a walking sex symbol. I don’t doubt my ‘sex appeal’ according to my ‘inner goddess’ but I am no Aubrey, that’s for sure.”

  Drake studied me with stunning intensity that was so electric, I could almost see the air around us generate excitement and heat. “I didn’t go through your closet. Drew and Aubrey got here too late and I let them stay at my place. Aubrey bought the clothes yesterday and we thought you wouldn’t mind.”

  I pulled out a pair of pink sweatpants, a matching sweat jacket with Juicy Couture written on it, and a white tank top. Yep, this was definitely my cousin’s doing because I would wear this kind of clothing in the house on a lazy afternoon but never in public.

  “I hope they meet your approval?”

  I plastered on a fake smile. “They’re great. I’ll just go get changed and we can get ready to blow this joint.”

  Drake’s smile was sexy as hell, revealing is perfect white teeth. “I can’t wait.”

  I ignored the double entendre and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind me.

  What was I allowing to happen? And was I just asking for trouble especially since my ex-fiancé was still in town?

  Chapter Six

  Colin

  Colin faced a pissed off Aubrey and the look on her face didn’t exactly give him any confidence to continue the conversation. Drew was glaring at him. They were friends for Christ’s sake. What was his problem?

  He didn’t want to behave like a stalker but at the same time, he knew Deirdre was coming home from the hospital that day and he wanted to be there for her. He also knew that prick Drake had picked her up and her emerging new life certainly didn’t sit well with him.

  Men were so crafty and that motherfucker was especially devious. Colin didn’t trust him and couldn’t put his finger on why he thought the relationship between the guy and his “business partner” seemed inappropriate. Sure, he’d shared this little fact with Deirdre but he didn’t mention she was a five foot, ten inch bleached blonde with ties to the Ukrainian Mafia.

  It turned out that not only was Drake related to Drew—they were first cousins—he had been disowned by his family and it was the primary reason he called the West Coast his home. Having grown up with money, he knew where to find it and promptly started dating Mikayla Shevchenko, daughter of Evgeni and sister of Andrij and Fedir.

  The family had come to the United States when Fedir had been a baby and established themselves as some of the top gun runners and drug dealers in Southern California. Hell, the family had a working relationship with the Madreras Cartel, the most powerful Mexican Mafia in their country and the United States. Through Mikayla and her brothers, the family had begun to launder a lot of the money through a string of popular see-and-be-seen restaurants, bars, and clubs the siblings began to buy along the Pacific from San Diego to San Francisco.

  It was true: she and Drake were split partners. They were not only former lovers but he’d been involved in the Shevchenko family business before he could be trusted with Mikayla washing money in the restaurant business. They’d been engaged for a time then he’d broken it off and never gave a reason. Though he seemed positively enthralled with Deirdre, it was rumored he still had feelings for Mikayla and the feeling was more than mutual. Women were just a means to an end until she “ceased her party-girl attitude and realized they were supposed to be together.”

  This was the knowledge he’d shared with Drew and Aubrey that morning he’d shown up at Deirdre’s apartment. Instead of them being happy Colin was trying to protect his ex-fiancée, they accused him of being a stalker and immediately asked him to leave.

  “Surely you don’t plan to tell Deirdre any of this nonsense?” Aubrey asked incredulously. “The woman just had a miscarriage. She doesn’t need to hear about her neighbor being a former gun runner and having mob connections.”

  “Drake never ran guns,” Drew responded in an authoritative manner. “He may not be welcome at barbeques and family reunions but he hasn’t been completely cut off. His mother is my mother’s sister for God’s sake and as an O’Connell, you never get cut off from the family, not really.”

  Colin sat down on the love seat despite Aubrey having asked him to leave. “I know he’s family and when I found out you two were related, I was kind of relieved if you can believe it. You don’t know what went down between us, and she’s hurting. I just want to make sure no one does that to her again. Do you get where I’m coming from?”

  Drew nodded. “What the hell did happen between you two anyway? One minute you two are inseparable, and the next she decides she can’t stand the sight of you and hightails it outta Seattle. I just didn’t expect it, not from Deirdre.”

  Colin would have given anything to break the sacred vow he had with his brother at that moment just to tell Drew everything but he couldn’t. He believed a huge reason why Deirdre left was because she refused to tell her sister the truth and she couldn’t stand the duplicity. Anyone who’d ever proclaimed it was easy to keep a secret obviously had never had to keep one, because every moment of every day was torture for him.

  He did a good job pretending because that’s what he did. However, he could admit he wasn’t as psychologically strong or cold as Liam and what came so natural for his brother didn’t come naturally to him. He felt like an imposter because he simply didn’t possess that “killer instinct.”

  Colin then found himself doing the old merry-go-rou
nd when his brother had told him he’d confessed to assuage his conscience. It had nothing to do with revealing the truth or being completely honest with Deirdre, but it did have a lot to do with having another person to “share the burden” of the secret.

  He knew that was only one mitigating factor that had sent his ex-fiancée running away from him. It didn’t help for her, or himself for the matter, to find out the child she carried had belonged to his brother.

  While it pained Deirdre, it delighted Colin she’d lost the baby. There was no way he wanted to raise another man’s baby, regardless whether it was his brother’s or not. It wasn’t part of him to be that giving, but at that point he’d been willing to say anything on the phone just to get her back to Seattle. As far as he was concerned, she wasn’t too far along that an abortion couldn’t be taken off the table. Now that was no longer a concern and all he had to worry about was getting his woman back.

  Aubrey cleared her throat. “So do you really plan to stay here until you’ve convinced Deirdre she belongs to you? Perhaps you two really do need the distance. She’s an adult, believe me when I say that she is more than capable of taking care of herself.”

  “What’s this really about?” Colin’s eyes grew hard as diamonds and his expression completely reflected his mood. “Is this about the bar?”

  “You know what we’re talking about doesn’t have a damn thing to do with the bar, Colin. Aubrey and I are heading back in a couple of days. Remember, Deirdre was—no, she is—my first love and I would never allow anyone to hurt her. I agree, I wouldn’t have chosen Drake for her but it’s not my choice. Besides, they aren’t dating, they’re friends. Would you be this jealous if she became close to a male friend at work?”

  “This is different.” Colin buried his face in his hands to hide the tears which threatened to fall if he didn’t choose his next words very carefully. “I wish to God I could tell you both what was going between us and why everything is so fucked up but I can’t. All I can really say is that Deirdre has every reason to hate me, but I love her so much and I can’t give up on us. I’m not ready to throw in the towel yet. I’ll stay and make sure she’s okay. If she really is happy with this Drake guy then I will leave her alone.”

  He wouldn’t dare look up but he could see Drew and Aubrey looking at each other from the corner of his eye.

  “If you feel that strongly about my cousin then why don’t you stay? I’m making dinner—her favorite—salmon stuffed with mushrooms and feta cheese, a spinach salad, and risotto. I don’t know how she’ll react to you being here but we all know she’s not going to freak out.”

  Colin looked up at Aubrey and smiled though he still felt the hurt in his heart and knew seeing Deirdre with this Drake guy was going to be tough. However, no one ever said love was easy and he was more than willing to do what it took to get her back. She’d been his first and only true love.

  “Thanks, I’d really like that.”

  For a moment, he almost believed himself. He knew the day would be a nightmare in the making but he had to see her. If it involved suffering then he knew all about doing it quite well.

  Chapter Seven

  I couldn’t believe how comfortable I found myself in Drake’s company. He had a great sense of humor and too many times to count, he reminded me of Drew, my first love.

  If I had anyone to blame for being miserable at this point, it would certainly be myself, because I’d had a great guy who loved me unconditionally and would have done anything for me. The thought of spending the rest of my life with my first love didn’t sound appealing. In fact, it sounded downright boring!

  I realized my adolescent brain couldn’t comprehend how easily it would be to fall for another, but true love took time and patience. It was mutual trust and respect. A feeling that your partner, no matter how flawed they were, would never intentionally hurt you, and even though the rough times could be so awful, it was often hard to remember during the good, you had that person’s back and they had yours.

  Wasn’t that the love that had grown and blossomed between Colin and me? Not only had we lived in the same apartment before our European vacation—though I’d slept in the guest room and we never consummated our relationship before we left—I thought we had gotten to know one another. Our vacation was a great dose of unrealistic expectations in a reality that would never be our own simply because we were on vacation.

  The most soul shattering events had occurred after we’d gotten back. I’d given up my slacker image and managed to get a real job, then my boyfriend and I found out we were expecting a baby. That was not part of our plans. Neither was getting engaged so quickly. Unfortunately, the night Colin had revealed to me that he and his brother Liam were directly responsible for the death of my father, a part of me died and that person could never be resurrected.

  How in God’s name could I forgive the unforgivable? The night he told me, shock had taken over and I had forgiven him. I said it was an awful situation but we would get through it. I had no idea if it was the equivalent of pregnancy hormones which acted similar to illegal stimulants, but we both knew in our heart of hearts that could never happen.

  Colin had broken my heart and the silence was a heavier burden than those few lies I’d spoken so easily. Just seeing him again after these last few weeks was a dagger to my heart I refused to heal from so easily. It was worse than losing the baby and that made me feel like the world’s most awful human being for admitting something like that even if it was the truth.

  “Uh oh, you’ve gotten quiet. That’s never a good sign. Are you thinking about your ex?” Drake asked, shattering my contemplation.

  “Yes and no.” I looked over at him as he drove. He owned an onyx-colored 2013 Hummer H3 and I hated to say it but it suited his personality so much I couldn’t see him driving any other vehicle.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  I stared at him. His white shirt showed the peek of a tribal tattoo on his right shoulder. Were there any cool guys under forty that didn’t have tattoos? As far as I knew, it was the only one he had. Then again, I’d never seen him shirtless or without pants.

  “I would think your girlfriend would be awfully jealous to have her boyfriend spending so much time with a strange woman, even if I am your next-door neighbor,” I remarked, changing the subject. I didn’t want to talk about Colin. If I could avoid that conversation by talking about his relationship then I would.

  Not that I had any interest in hearing about how a hot guy like Drake was taken by another woman. It was more of a burden than I cared to realize how lonely it was without someone special in my life. I missed quiet talks, kisses, sex, but most of all, cuddling and feeling skin against skin.

  My condo was so empty. I didn’t even have a pet to keep me company but my hours were so sporadic, I’d only be good to have a cat. However, that involved house training and I wasn’t in the mood for picking up “accidents” until the kitten learned where the litter box was so that pretty much meant pets were out. My options were limited to a fish, hamster, or guinea pig. None of which I found the least bit appealing.

  Drake stopped at a red light and turned toward me. “I don’t have a girlfriend. My last one, Mikayla, also happened to be my business partner, and since we broke up six months ago, there hasn’t been anyone.”

  “Mmm, six months isn’t a long time to be apart.”

  “You’re one to talk. It hasn’t been a month between you and Colin. Kayla and I had been fighting for months before we broke up but you two were the picture of bliss up until you left.” The light changed and he pressed on the gas. “So, you know I have to ask…what happened?”

  “What happened between you and this Mikayla person?” “Well, for one, we owned a business together so we saw too much of each other. Two, her family is one of the most influential Ukrainian mob families on the West Coast and I come from one of the most politically influential families on the East Coast—it would never work. Three, she cheated on me with one of
my best friends and I found them in a compromising position with her on her knees and his you-know-what in her mouth. It wasn’t a situation she could exactly talk herself out of,” Drake explained in a tone filled with bitterness and regret.

  “Oh wow, that’s tough. How do you two continue to run the business when something so explosive broke you up in the first place?”

  “We don’t spend any time together. She takes care of the business side regarding the restaurant and I am the head chef. All in all, it works out. We enjoy owning the business together but we can admit we shouldn’t be together in a romantic capacity.”

  “How very adult of you.” “Exactly what happened between you and Colin that caused you to act the opposite of an adult and leave your relationship like you were some fugitive breaking out of prison?”

  “If I could tell you, I would, but…it was something major and unfortunately, it involves criminal activity. People could still be arrested and imprisoned for what I know so it’s not as simple as me telling you about it. Let’s just say he broke my heart and I don’t think I will ever recover from what he did to me.”

  “Wonders never cease,” Drake said after a long moment. “I would have never taken you for the type to protect anyone when it came to criminal activity. Not with your Harvard education and perfect manners.”

  “How did you know I attended Harvard?”

  He laughed. “Your ex-boyfriend Drew is my first cousin. I know more about you than you think, Deirdre.”

  ***

  How I wished finding out Drew and Drake were related had been the only surprise of my day. I arrived back at my condo to an impromptu “Welcome Home” celebration thrown by Drew and Aubrey. It was great to see them again until I noticed Colin sitting on my love seat nursing a bottle of Evian water.