Rock My Heart Read online

  “No, you’re not.” Cillian grabbed my hands and held them within his own. “Why would you even say something like that? Now that I have met you and know you aren’t some silly, airheaded cunt, I wanted to ask you what you saw in Kaz? I mean, I realize my brother is a rock star but he’s a first class asshole. He uses women and he disposes of them. So does Jaden and look at the pair of them—they have these great women and they are too fucking dumb to realize it.”

  Tears fell down my cheeks I wanted to wipe them away. “How do you know Talia and I are so great? Maybe we deserve what we’re going through—”

  “Listen, I may be a ‘biker’ and supposedly a grade-A prick but I know a good woman when I see one. I had a great one in high school and she was…she is my true love. I have been in love with her since she stared at me with those gorgeous amber brown eyes and asked me if the seat next to me was taken.” He smiled and his eyes took off a faraway look. “Her family was pretty notorious and she was late for class. She just rushed in and her cheeks were red from the cool air. She had this great complexion…not too dark, not too fair. Cascades of long, dark hair I used to run my fingers through. I knew I loved her before I knew what true love was but I was young and stupid and listened to my old man.”

  “What happened to this great woman? The love of your life?”

  Cillian laughed out loud. “Seriously? She’s my attorney. She’s dating some asshole who is respectable and everything I’m not. He’s not covered in tats and he isn’t a gang member because her father would kill her. Gisela looks at me as a client and that’s it. Basically, I’m a charity case so she can keep the peace between my father and hers. You see, her brother fucked up and got my sister pregnant.”

  I pulled my hands from out of his and I stood as I covered my mouth. “Gisela’s brother is Drake…the man Misty is in love with?”

  “Yep.” He let the ‘p’ pop before he stood as well. “I never said our family was functional. It was just a hand of fate or perhaps we’re in the clutches of the demon’s claws. Misty fell in love with Drake but before they were together, I was in love with Gisela and the feeling has never died. I suppose it’s our cursed Irish blood. When we love, we love hard and Brianna is the mother of my children but she’s never owned my heart. I hate that bitch and wish she would just move back to Belfast.”

  “I guess we all have our sob stories, huh?” I backed away from him slowly.

  “Oh the Cox family is so fucking tragic, it’s not worth talking about. We’re so fucked up, we can’t be redeemed and the funny part is I’m not sure any of us want anything to do with redemption. It’s an Irish thing—we were born to suffer and we do it so willingly, it’s disgusting but I’m used to being in pain.”

  Cillian approached me like a fox sizing up his prey. “You see, you can get used to anythin’, darlin’…but you gotta ask yourself if Kaz is worth the hell he will put you through. Can you live the rest of your life like you are now? Is this what you signed up for? A moody prick who goes hot and cold on ya in a heartbeat? Kaz loves you—tis true—but he can’t properly show you when he’s never known real love himself. His mother killed herself, his step-mother treated him like a nuisance and my mother couldn’t stand him. He was just another bastard my father got out in the streets and there is plenty more when he came from.”

  I suddenly hit a wall and realized I had nowhere else to go. “I thought it was just him and…Loire?”

  “That we know of. There was always talk but…well, she came out with her father’s sky blue eyes so everyone just assumed perhaps it was the other one.”

  Cillian and I were nearly face to face. “What are you talking about?”

  “You know Talia’s cousin? The prick who is part of the Demon’s Bastards?”

  “No. I have never met him. I’ve seen photos of him and he’s very sexy…if you are into the whole biker look.”

  “Yeah, well, Dizzy and Antoinette have a history together. You see, my dad was in Boston for a while before he moved to Northern Nevada. There was talk…while she was courting that boring asshole she married, she was fucking my dad. So, we jumped Trey one day just because we could…nothing major but enough to get blood. My dad took my shirt and I never got it back.”

  “And?” My heart thundered in my chest with such intensity, I could barely speak.

  “Let’s just say he never confirmed nor denied Trey was his son. We were told that if we ever spilled his blood again, our mother would be burying a son.” Cillian trapped me as he placed both his arms on either side of my head. “So, what do you think? Personally, I think that fucking bastard looks too much like us. If you have ever seen Trista and Tristan, they look just like their father and Trey is the black sheep…in every way.

  “I can’t prove he’s working for my dad but I think he is and if he is then…it’s a dangerous game because he would do anything to protect that bastard. He loves him more than all of us combined. I accepted the whole situation and just moved on but…Jaden can’t stand Trey. Life is life and it’s ugly and fucked up. What can you do?”

  I didn’t like where this conversation was going and I wanted to escape but where to and hadn’t I suffered enough? I wanted to punish Kaz and there would be nothing worse than I could do other than sleep with another man.

  “What do you want from me?” I whispered with a mouth that felt as dry as the Nevada desert.

  Cillian leaned in and kissed the pulse point of my neck. “I think I have made that perfectly clear. I want you and that tight, hot pussy between your legs wrapped around my cock. Fuck Kaz. If he was a real man, he would have never hit you before he left and he sure as fuck wouldn’t have left you alone with me. Other than my true love, I have always had a weakness for blondes.”

  I glared at him. “Is Brianna blonde?”

  “A fake one…she’s actually ginger-haired so she has this long blonde hair and fire-crotch between her legs. Not a great thought to leave in your head but that’s how it is.”

  “And you don’t feel the least bit guilty about fucking another person?”

  “Not really. She’s fucked half my brothers—not club members—I seriously mean, my brothers. Jaden and Kaz both have had her and she also fucked Trey. I don’t owe that cunt anything…especially when our youngest is some other fucking man’s kid…Trey’s no less. How am I supposed to feel when I look into my daughter’s hazel-green eyes when I have blue eyes and Brianna’s are steel-gray? She’s a beauty and I love her more than life itself but it doesn’t change the fact that we only share partial DNA and I’m not her father.”

  His words hit me like a punch to the gut and I slid from under his arms and began to walk up the stairs.

  Cillian followed me like some mad, killer stalker in a slasher movie while I glanced back at him every now and then. “I don’t want to know about any of this. I have my own demons and I don’t need you to offload your shit on me too. I like you and I don’t want us to ruin a perfectly good friendship with a frivolous one night stand.”

  I barely reached out for the door handle to my suite when he grabbed my wrist and penned me against the wall. “We’re not friends and you aren’t ruining anything. You’re my brother’s fiancée and I plan to fuck you the same way he fucked my wife and had no qualms about it.”

  I bared my teeth before I spit in his face. “So this is just to get back at Kaz for what he did with your whore wife? Fuck you and fuck him! I won’t sleep with you because you just want to get some petty revenge against your brother. Grow the fuck up and realize you married a whore who would spread her legs for any man who looked in her direction!”

  Cillian wiped my spit from his face and pressed his lips down hard on mine. For a moment, I couldn’t breathe and my mouth involuntarily opened. He thrust his tongue inside and against my own before our kiss turned into a possessive and wanton act of defiance and lust.

  “Are you saying you’re different?” he whispered in my ear as his hands reached down and cupped my breasts. “I know that by th
e smell of you. You’re like a flower that is only partly in bloom and you should be bright and aglow with love. A child grows inside you and that child will have the same blood that flows through me. You’ll be family.”

  “Exactly so there is no justification for this,” I breathed out and tried to choke down a strangled sob.

  “We’re not related yet and just like you indicated earlier…you’re not sure if he still wants to marry you.”

  Those words sealed the deal and trap door shut on me.

  I knew before his lips touched mine again, I was doomed to do the one thing I vowed I would never do.

  It turned out I was my father’s daughter after all.

  Chapter Ten

  Dreams

  KAZ AWOKE COVERED in sweat and couldn’t get back to sleep.

  He turned and looked at the clock. It was only shortly after two a.m.

  The probability of Sydney being up was slim but he tried her number and the call was sent to voicemail.

  What the fuck was he doing?

  He was going to blow the best thing that had ever happened to him over bullshit. He couldn’t help but remember how she was trapped in the house with his brother.

  Cillian was every stupid fucking Irish stereotype wrapped in a package of walking sex-on-a-stick for most women. He knew how to use his charm and although he was a stone cold murderer, women never saw that side of him.

  No one except Brianna.

  He remembered the bruises on his sister-in-law and when he found out what she’d done—when he’d discovered Caitlin wasn’t his daughter, it wasn’t pretty. He’d beat the bitch so badly she’d pissed blood for a week and wouldn’t leave their room.

  Now that he knew his brother could potentially be doing the same to his fiancée, the thought drove him into a red hot rage. He was an idiot for leaving Syd there. He should have insisted she come with him regardless whether she wanted to or not. How could he have been so fucking stupid and careless with the woman he loved?

  Kaz stood, walked into the bathroom and showered quickly before he packed up his clothes and began to walk down the stairs.

  Jerrica, Paul’s wife, sat at the table with a mug of tea and an oversized Samsung tablet.

  “Sorry, I don’t mean to disturb you,” Kaz murmured, “but can you do me a favor and take me to the nearest car rental place? I need to get back to L.A. as soon as possible.”

  “The only place open would be the car rental places out near the airport.” She stood and held her robe tighter around her body. “I just fed Jared and he’s gone back to sleep so I don’t see why I can’t take you. Are you ready now?”

  “Yeah, I am.”

  Jerrica stared at him; with her shoulder length brown hair streaked with honey blond strands, blue-gray eyes, gorgeous features and petite body, she was a poised young woman who fit Paul quite well. She also ran her own business and how she did both and managed to care for two young children under the age of two with only a nanny for help was beyond him.

  She smirked before she began to pull out several cans of Red Bull, several nut and mixed dried berry snack mixes—all organic of course—and a one liter bottle of Evian, she packed the items in a Trader Joe’s bag and handed it to him.

  “If you plan on making that drive tonight, you’re going to need all the help you can get. Perhaps if you wait a couple of hours, I could take you to McCarran International Airport and you could get a flight back to L.A.—”

  “No!” he exclaimed before he breathed out and calmed himself down. “I would rather drive. I need the time to think and I want to surprise Sydney. I have been such a dick towards her and I want her to know that I love her so much. She’s the reason why I feel so alive right now and my brain is playing tricks with my feelings for her. It isn’t fair what I have put her through and I need to make this right.”

  Jerrica smiled slightly before she nodded her head. “Okay. Give me ten minutes to get dressed and pump my breasts just in case Jared wakes up and I’m not here, okay?”

  Kaz nodded and sat at the table.

  “In the meantime, why don’t you make yourself a shot of espresso with the Keurig? You’re gonna need all the caffeine you can get running through your system. You do realize it is a four hour drive, don’t you?”

  “Sure. Before we hit it big, I’ve driven to Vegas before. It’s even longer if you are on a bike and coming from Reno. Takes you six hours to get here and both places are in the same state.”

  “Are you familiar with Northern Nevada?” Her eyes held a genuine look of curiosity.

  Kaz’s mouth gaped open like a fish before he replied, “Yes, I am.”

  Jerrica smiled. “Good. Then you can tell me all about the best places to stay up there. Paul and I wanted to get a winter home up there. It was either Lake Tahoe, Sundance, Utah or Vail, Colorado. We chose Lake Tahoe because it’s a day’s drive and neither one of us wanted to have a vacation home in a ‘dry’ state.”

  “Yeah, pretty hard to get a hold of booze in Mormon country.” Kaz smiled before he became serious again. “Yeah, there are some beautiful residences around Lake Tahoe and some in the local vicinity as well. Pine Bluff is nice, so is Birch Tree but stay out of Black Oak. It’s a town that only has a biker gang by the name of the White Knights as its claim to fame and there are a lot of meth labs hidden in the vicinity. It’s not an area you want to expose your children.”

  “Well, thanks for the head’s up. I’ll be sure to let Paul know.” She smiled again before she walked out of the kitchen.

  Kaz did use the Keurig machine and downed his double espresso shot while it was still pretty hot. The caffeine started to kick in almost immediately and he was happy for the reprieve. He knew it would take every ounce of energy he had to make it to L.A.

  JERRICA WAITED AROUND until Kaz secured a vehicle, a luxury SUV. It cost him a pretty penny to do a one-way drop off but he didn’t care. The sooner he left, the quicker he would be able to see Sydney.

  As he loaded up the vehicle, Paul’s wife questioned, “Have you decided to take the Vogue Hotel deal? It’s a great opportunity and Vegas isn’t a bad city to live in. Syd will adjust a lot quicker than you think. She’s still surrounded by her friends and that’s what’s important. I can’t see her not being enthusiastic about moving here.”

  “Well, she and Tal are quite close and it’ll be hard with her still back in L.A.—I think she’d be okay after she manages to get a routine down.” Kaz loaded the last of his bags into the vehicle, embraced Jerrica and watched her leave before he hopped into the luxury SUV and got onto the I-15 heading south. He was looking forward to seeing her and that infectious grin she wore.

  Kaz could truly admit to having been the biggest douchebag the last few weeks and he knew why. He was afraid Sydney would wise up and realize she was too good for him and why was she marrying his loser ass at all? A baby didn’t give him carte blanche to behave like a grade-A dick but he’d done it anyway.

  Everything he was suffering from was self-inflicted and he had no one to blame but himself. Syd never pushed him away but she was getting tired of his shit and he had some serious groveling to do if they were going to be sharing the same bed any time soon.

  By the time he reached Baker, he’d downed a Red Bull and hoped the caffeine would give a bit of a boost. Traffic was light because most people weren’t leaving Vegas at three in the morning on a Sunday.

  Two and half hours into the drive and though he’d had a couple more Red Bulls, his muscles began to tighten and the weight of the drive began to sink in. He was stupid. He should have listened to Jerrica and waited until he could get an early morning flight to L.A. The drive would get him home a couple hours quicker once he calculated traffic but everything felt wrong to him and he couldn’t wait. The two hours were a blip but why did he feel the need to get home as soon as humanly possible?

  He voice dialed Talia and didn’t expect her to pick up. When she did, he had to admit he was surprised she was up. It was almost six a.m.
and he had another hour to go before he’d be home.

  “Why are you calling me so early?” She openly yawned though she seemed quite perky for someone who was up at the crack of dawn.

  “I’m driving back from Vegas. I need to see Syd and I couldn’t wait. What are you doing up so early?” He cracked open another can of Red Bull and swigged from it before he slipped on his Bluetooth.

  “Oh just a visit from Jaden at five o’clock in the morning. You know, the usual shit I go through,” she murmured. “Wait, why aren’t you trying to reach Sydney? I know she would want to hear from you…granted she was upset but it was more about the fact that you didn’t tell her about your past, not the past per se.”

  “I’ve tried to call her but the calls go straight to voicemail. I have to assume she’s turned her phone off. Are you saying me leaving her with Cillian was a bad idea? I tried to get him to leave before I left for Vegas but she insisted he stayed with her.”