Rock My Heart Read online

  I smiled slightly before I kissed his mouth. “Yes, I’m feelin’ you but at the same time, this has to be partly my decision too. You just can’t hoist something like this on me and not expect me to react. How would you feel if I did the same to you?”

  Kaz stood and stared down at me. “You’re not a rock star, Syd. You don’t know what it is like with all the constant invasion of privacy and not being able to go anywhere because everyone knows who you are. My life is a dream and I love making music but at the same time, I can’t do another tour for a while and Introspect is going to expect us to do something to promote this new album. I would rather have this deal on the table to go to Vegas than nothing at all. Hell, I don’t even want to do local shit or anything that is going to have me on a tour bus for the next ten years if I can help it.”

  He began to pace before he poured himself a Jack Daniels and swallowed it in a single gulp. “Listen to me, you will have your input but I have to speak to the guys first anyway. If they say no then it’s a no-go regardless—”

  “I’m not an idiot, Kaz.” I finished the rest of my water, stood and began to walk inside the house where he followed me, and secured the glass doors behind us. “Jaden, Will and Grant aren’t going to say no. Listen, just go and take the guys to Paul’s. You don’t need all of the girlfriends and fiancées just hanging around. We’ll be in the way. Discuss the deal and when you know more, you can inform me when you get home, all right? I don’t feel like going anywhere right now, not even boarding a plane to Vegas and it’s forty-five minutes from here.”

  Kaz grabbed my arm and turned me to face him. “I know you’re tired and this pregnancy has your hormones all over the place.”

  “This is me, talking, Kaz. Me. What I am saying to you has fuck all to do with my pregnancy. Did you forget I was an independent and free-spirited young woman when you met me? Well, the tour grew me up very quickly and the more time we are together, the more I realize my life has become all about you. Your wants and your needs. When do I get to have an opinion? I’m going to be the mother of your child. Think about that for a moment and then tell me I am wrong to want a say in this colossal decision you guys have to make.”

  His eyes turned to blue-green ice and I knew he was pissed off, he was a Cox after all despite his carrying of the Gillian name, and the thug would always be unleashed when I pushed him too far.

  “Listen to me, Sydney, because I will not repeat myself again. This is a band decision. You got that? Scarlet Fever will come to an agreement about the Vegas situation and you have no say what so ever. If you don’t like it then run back home to Mommy and Granddaddy but we’re in a relationship here and you are to be my wife! Put your big girl panties on and stop acting like a spoiled child who doesn’t get her way and decides to pout over it.”

  If I had a weapon in my hand at that moment, I would have used it.

  “You know what? Fuck you. I’m sleeping in the guest bedroom tonight. I don’t have to put up with your sexist bullshit talk. But then I forgot, once a Cox, always a motherfucking cock and you’re no different from your father, no matter how far you try to run away from him. The same blood in his veins runs through yours and right now, you’re acting just like that fucking asshole.”

  I knew we had to stop these awful yet heart-breaking arguments between the two of us. It wasn’t healthy for either of us to continue down this road and it wouldn’t lead to a sustained relationship.

  Unfortunately, neither of us were very practiced in this department because we both had our issues when it came to the opposite sex.

  I was reared by my grandfather but I knew no man would ever adore me as much as he had. Kaz had a step-mother who could barely disguise her hatred of him and a father who couldn’t stand to look at his own son because he had not come from his seed.

  Instead of merely thinking about it, I would stop it. My heart raced and I was left feeling exhausted when my pregnancy was added into the mix of my seemingly bipolar emotions. I just wanted to go to bed and forget the whole evening.

  I turned away from him and began to climb the stairs when he grabbed my left arm and pulled me to him. I fought him with every ounce of energy I possessed but it wasn’t much since my pregnancy left me tired and lethargic.

  He was a strong guy and he didn’t stop until he had me wrestled down to the floor and he was on top of me, his strong thighs straddled my hips.

  “Get off me, Kaz!” I said through clinched teeth. “I’m fucking pissed off right now and not in the mood for any of your games!”

  He leaned over and kissed me brutally until we were both fighting and embracing. We were all teeth and tongue, strong, urgent mouths, which locked and bruised one another. I wanted to battle him and fuck him at the same time. That’s how angry I was with him but as his hands wandered underneath my t-shirt and grabbed my sensitive breasts, anger melted into desire and soon, I only wanted him to take me right then and there.

  Kaz stood, scooped me in his strong arms and carried me up the stairs as we continued to kiss one another with urgent need and want. Our tongues swirled against one another and I fisted his perfect hair with my hands as his own cupped my ass and held me tight against his warm body.

  The moment he threw me on the bed, I forgot all about our fight and his hands were on me again, peeling my shorts off, panties included and stripping me of my flimsy t-shirt.

  There was a lot about Kaz that could drive me absolutely crazy, like his utter and irrational need to control everything between us. However, when he had me pinned against the bed with his hands, his mouth devouring mine in a hungry, passionate way that brought me to the brink of desire, all my feelings about what I didn’t like about us went flying off the emotional radar.

  His lips left a hot trail down my neck as his hot, wet mouth covered the nipple of my right breast. He teased it softly with an insistent tongue before he switched to my left breast and did the same. The coolness of the house had my nipples pebbled to attention and as his mouth led lower, kissing the slight roundness of my belly before he parted my thighs, I was deliriously lost in desire.

  My arms continued to remain stretched out and away from my body as he removed his hands and they parted the lips of my mound, which was a dripping inferno of unfulfilled lust. His hot tongue licked every inch of me before he zeroed in on my clit and I moaned out loud.

  I arched my back as he tongue-fucked me and then he sucked on my clit again, coaxing an orgasm out of me I wasn’t ready to give yet. Only then did he sit up on his hunches and took off his wife-beater and unbuttoned his jeans. He managed to get them halfway down his thighs, his long, hard thick cock pressed against his taut stomach muscles before he situated himself between my spread-eagled legs and entered me.

  I felt him all the way to the core of my throbbing sex, his dick stretching and filling me as he began to work himself in and out of me with deep, pounding strokes that seemed to punish me as much as they pleasured me. His breath turned ragged and his lust-filled aquamarine eyes zeroed in on my own and for that brief moment in time, we were in perfect tandem with one another.

  Christ, I loved the way he felt inside of me and I grabbed the globes of his ass to keep him buried as deep inside me as possible.

  I hated how every time we had a disagreement, we always used sex as a band aid to cover up any feelings of betrayal or hurt we had with each other. I loved this man with all my heart but we had to be able to talk to one another if we wanted our relationship to remain stable, long term and attainable.

  Both of us were screwed up and dysfunctional but somehow we seemed to work for now. I knew this couldn’t be a long term solution, not if we wanted to maintain a normal relationship and stop ourselves from making the same mistakes our parents had done with us.

  Kaz withdrew from me, still rock hard and removed the rest of his clothing as I sat up and flipped over to my stomach before I got on all fours.

  His mouth tackled my snatch again, greedily licking the juices that soaked me from t
he inside out. He was insatiable as his tongue licked my perineum and then flicked against my asshole. Lately, he’d become more and more brave as his need to have his cock in every hole on my body just to prove his ownership of me grew with every sexual experience we’d had together.

  I’d given in shortly after we’d come back from the tour and after drinking Macallan 50 and smoking a couple of joints made with some excellent chronic, I’d relaxed enough to allow him to fuck me anally. It had been an interesting experience and though I’d actually enjoyed it, I didn’t want to make it a usual part of our sexual repertoire. That didn’t stop him from trying to get me to do it again and my patience on the subject was beginning to wear thin.

  Kaz’s tongue trace the contours of the most intimate parts of my body and I found myself on the urge of coming undone yet again. No matter what problems or challenges we faced, we never had any issues in the bedroom.

  Slowly and with great intimacy, he kissed the small of my back, his tongue tracing the elaborate tattoo I had there which comprised of the Scarlet Fever logo and his name underneath it. His mouth and tongue traced my spine before he kissed my shoulder blades and then my neck.

  I turned toward him and his lips devoured my mouth, my own tongue equally as demanding and insistent as his own.

  As our kiss reluctantly ended, he stared at me with those gorgeous blue-green eyes. “I love you so fucking much—you know that, right?”

  “Yes,” I responded in a breathless voice.

  Kaz immediately got on his knees and slid his length inside me yet again while leaning over me, the heat from his body permeated my pores like liquid fire. His dick was demanding and had a life of its own as he pounded me with strokes that felt like my whole body was fused with his. I leaned down on my elbows and instead of following me, he straightened his back, grabbed my hips and began to stroke me, his movements in and out of me teased me with delicious relief but not enough to make me come before he did.

  I began to meet his rhythm and the heat between us was beyond amazing. His cock worked inside me like a well-oiled piston, pumping in and out of me, while his hand snaked between my legs and caressed my clit.

  The sheer male girth and length that made up his beautiful organ continued to hit that soft, spongy tissue of my G-spot and it drove me to the edge. The faster he stroked that spot, the closer I became to tumbling over but then he would slow down the rhythm and I was left frustrated. I knew he was just trying to make it last as long as possible, before it became unbearable and we would have to come together or be damned.

  Kaz’s strokes sped up again and this time, I threw my back into it and he pushed me over the edge of a passionate and unknown oblivion of pain and pleasure, lust, want and need. I knew it then; it was inevitable and I came hard, my own womb aching with the after effects of a powerful orgasm as my vaginal muscles squeezed tightly around the length of him and he grunted as he let go, his liquid pleasure spilling inside my womb.

  My heart thundered in my chest and I could feel his own heart as it beat fiercely against my back. He withdrew from my body and lay out on his back while I collapsed on my stomach before I turned over and lay side-by-side next to him.

  I waited until my breathing returned to normal before I looked over at Kaz. He stared at the ceiling, his arms tucked underneath his head.

  “Are we going to talk about this or are you going to continue to shut me out?” I turned toward him as I gently caressed the taut muscles of his stomach.

  Kaz clicked his tongue. “I think this is a discussion best saved for when I know more.” He turned onto his side and I was suddenly faced with his perfect back. “I’m going to sleep.”

  I didn’t want to cry but the tears leaked from my eyes regardless.

  No matter what I did, why did I get the feeling I was losing him and there was no way to stop the inevitable, regardless how tight I held on to the feeling of us.

  He was slowly pulling away from me and I wished to God I knew why.

  Chapter Four

  Skeletons From The Past

  KAZ HATED TO admit it but it was nice to get away from Sydney.

  He didn’t realize how suffocating their relationship had become until they came back from the Gods of Rock tour. Although she had plenty to keep her occupied, the time they did spend together almost always came down to them disagreeing about one subject or another.

  It was time for him to put his foot down and perhaps, he was more like his real father than he ever wanted to admit.

  From the time Paul had told him about the two year deal in Vegas playing at Vogue Hotel and Casino, he’d genuinely been interested. He didn’t mind sharing the lime light with Chyna Bleu, especially since she was a huge pop star with megawatt power, a gorgeous body, face and a spine-tingling voice too.

  Scarlet Fever would be right at home in Vegas and to be honest, he could use more than just a six month escape from L.A.

  It had never been his ideal place to live and now that he was being offered an out, he thought this was best for everyone but mostly the group as a whole. The traffic wasn’t as bad, Vegas had great suburbs and he could start over somewhere new and fresh.

  L.A. was just like his hometown and the East Coast; it held too many bad memories he needed to shed like a snake breaking out of unwanted skin.

  Kaz was no fool; he began manipulating his band members that next day after they’d laid down a couple tracks for their new album. By the time they were about to depart the studio, Will, Grant and Jaden all agreed it was for the best.

  “So, remember, we leave tonight and we can get more details out of Paul.” Kaz stood and grabbed the keys to his Hummer.

  “Cool, I’ll meet you at the airport.” Will paused. “Is it okay is Laurel comes with me?”

  “Yeah. Paul encouraged us to bring our significant others so it’s all cool in the gang.”

  “Is Syd going?” Jaden wondered before he bit off a hang nail.

  “No. She wants to stay here. The tour kind of ruined the excitement for traveling as far as she’s concerned…at least for a little while.”

  Grant clapped Kaz on the back in a manly way. “That’s okay. I’ll bring Sasha then. I am sure she should be there anyway since if this goes down, this is going to be a major coup for the band—”

  “She can still start the rumor mill going while we’re negotiating so she should definitely be there.” Kaz waved to the rest of his band mates. “See you at LAX. Remember, be there by eight because our flight leaves at nine-thirty.”

  He smiled for the first time as he left the studio and began to walk towards his SUV. Jaden quickly caught up with him and grabbed him by the shoulder as he was about to open the door to his Hummer.

  “What’s up?” Kaz inquired.

  He already knew what his half-brother was going to say but no way would he make it easier for him.

  “Listen…there is too much drama going on at the moment. I can’t go but you know my answer is yes, if just to get away from that cunt for a while. She’s driving me crazy and I can’t take it anymore.” Jaden ran his hands through his hair. It had grown out in the back and he was desperate for a haircut but it seemed like the least of his problems as Kaz glared at his brother’s amber eyes.

  Sometimes it was still strange for him to think they had the same father and the blood that ran through his body shared DNA with this coward son of a bitch who strung one amazing woman along because he was too chicken shit to be a man and end things properly with his ex-girlfriend.

  “What do you want me to say, Kaelan?” Kaz used his Christian name instead of his stage name because he was fed up with his brother’s bullshit.

  “Don’t call me that. You know how much I hate that motherfuckin’ name.”

  “I’m calling you Kaelan because you’re acting like him.” Kaz’s blue-green eyes shined colder than an Eskimo’s dick. “You’re a fucking coward for what you’re doing to Talia and why she is holding on so tightly to you is beyond me. If she was smart, she would
move on and realize she is going to have to raise that baby on her own—”

  “Don’t fucking say that, Kasper!” Jaden’s amber eyes turned dark and stormy. “I am trying to keep the motherfuckin’ peace here! That bitch would slit Tal’s throat and not think twice about it. Faith isn’t stable and it’s not just that easy for me to get up and walk away. Do you think I could handle her death and the death of my child? I would fuckin’ strangle the cunt myself and then where would I be? Huh? Where would Scarlet Fever be and could we survive that kind of controversy? Let me handle this on my own…it’s just easier that way!”