Rock My Heart Read online

  It was like the blind leading the blind.

  “She’ll come around when she’s ready, Tal.” I grabbed her free hand and squeezed it. “Sometimes, we help the people we love the most by giving them the space they need to come to terms with what they are going through. You can’t imagine your cousin’s heartache but you can be there for her when she needs someone to talk to and that is all you can do.”

  “You mean like Jaden?”

  Shit. He wasn’t someone I wanted to talk about. It was a sticky subject for me because he and Kaz were best friends while I used to be best friends with Faith.

  Although I could blame the tour for the demise of my friendship with a woman I’d known my whole life, that wouldn’t quite be fair. From the time I’d moved to L.A. and started to live with Kaz, I could feel a separation coming between us.

  Add the fact that she’d been having threesomes with my soon-to-husband along with her on-again/off-again boyfriend and it was a recipe for disaster.

  According to Faith, Kaz and I were never supposed to happen, at least not a long term relationship. He was supposed to bust my cherry, fuck me a few times and leave me while she would be there to nurse his wounds and pick up the pieces. When everything didn’t go according to her plan, all hell broke loose. She never really forgave me and she hated we were in a relationship. The closer I became to Talia, the less of a friendship we seemed to have and although it should have bothered me, it didn’t.

  I rolled my eyes and swigged from my Evian. “There isn’t much I can say about him without addressing her and to be honest, the way they are both acting right now is deplorable. They’re so miserable with one another but holding on to him gives her some sick satisfaction. If she has him then she knows he can’t be with you.”

  “That’s awful.” Laurel stared from me to Talia and back again. “I can’t believe she would be so petty. She does know about the baby, doesn’t she?”

  “Look at me.” Talia pointed at her small but noticeable bump since she was at least twenty-three weeks pregnant. “How can she not tell? He says he’s scared she might harm herself, overdose…I’ve heard every sick excuse in the book and I am getting tired of his bullshit. What the hell did I give up Seth for? To be trapped with another man who can’t make up his fucking mind. I am so over men right now, you don’t want to know.”

  I squeezed her hand and smiled. “This, too, shall pass, sweetie.”

  I wish I could believe myself but my words seemed like horse shit and the worst part about the situation was I wanted Talia to be happy and Jaden should have been there for her but they were oil and water. Two strong personalities who, at this moment in time, seemed completely unsuited for the other.

  Lunch couldn’t end fast enough as far as I was concerned.

  Chapter Two

  Reality Bites

  “To break yourself down, I gotta build you back up.

  You’re holding me down, what we have is not enough.

  Our feelings are too deep, your heart’s made of gold.

  I’ve fallen in and fucked up again, I can’t take this anymore.

  “I’d be with you I said, and I let you down again.

  How many times will you take me back,

  before you throw me out and when…

  when the past is so complicated,

  love is overrated

  and all I want to do for you is remove you from this world…

  “Remove you from this world and watch you cry!

  Bury me alive with the tears in your eyes

  and swear to me that I will always have a place in your life.

  Because without you, the world is nothing but shit and fucking lies…

  and I don’t ever wanna live without, baby you know I’d rather fucking die.”

  KAZ BREATHED LOUDLY before he saw the sound engineer give him the thumbs up signal.

  He stood and grabbed a bottle of Evian before he joined the other guys outside their little glass booths.

  Will Cullen and Grant MacMullen smiled while Jaden just held a wry look on his face as he stared at Kaz. “Well, what did you think?”

  Kaz walked over to Jaden and wrapped an arm around his neck. “I think it’s time for a smoke break, bro.”

  Funny, he used the term so casually though he and Jaden were in fact half-brothers. They shared the same no good father.

  Desmond “Dizzy” Cox.

  It made no difference Kaz had grown up in a world of privilege and luxury while Jaden had been raised in the club. At one time, his mother was Dizzy’s side bitch and the result of their tumultuous affair had been Kasper.

  The man he called his father knew the truth too, and after his mother’s suicide, made his life a living hell. Was it no wonder he fled as far away as he could from his world of prestige to become a rock star and riddle his body with a shit load of tattoos that made him a rock god from here to Tokyo, New York City to Amsterdam.

  Kaz was a world known sex symbol and a bona fide rock legend at the age of twenty-seven. He’d be richer than he’d ever dreamed before he turned thirty and thanks to the Gods of Rock Tour, they all had so much money in the bank and invested in their portfolios with their financial manager, they could literally burn it.

  He and Jaden walked side by side as they got to the smoking area.

  Kaz lit a cigarette and Jaden did the same. The smoked in peace before he inquired, “Those lyrics? They about Talia?”

  Jaden’s amber eyes avoided his but he nodded his head as he dragged from his cigarette. “I just keep fucking up when it comes to her, man. I promised we would be together and then Faith is blowin’ up my phone. She’s still getting high and I worry about her. I mean, she didn’t get clean and I did. I refuse to do drugs with her but sometimes, when I am there and she is wearing the tiniest of outfits with her hot bod, I can’t help myself.

  “She isn’t Talia.” He sighed and exhaled a cloud of smoke. “No one is like Talia. Baby bump and all, she is the sexiest bitch alive and she is so fucking hot in the sack but tell that to my dick, man. I still care about Faith, more than I fucking should but…what do you do when someone won’t let go?”

  “You drop all ties with that person, period.” Kaz dragged off his cigarette. “I can’t tell you what to do about Faith because you’re not going to listen to me anyway but she’s poison, man. She will fuck up your shit with Talia and then where does that leave you? Your only question should be: who do you want to be with because if it is Talia then she needs you now, more than ever.”

  “How would you know?” Jaden picked at the cuticle on his thumb. “Why would she confide in you at all when she has Kris?”

  “About that…she doesn’t have Kris anymore because Damira has put a kibosh in that. Besides, she doesn’t exactly confide in me but she needs all the friends she can get. She is feeling overwhelmed at the moment between the situation with her cousin and what is going on between you and her. She’s pregnant with your kid and when we came home from the tour, you promised you would be there for her and you haven’t been. She’s had to deal with all this shit by herself and that’s not cool, man. Don’t be like our dad, Jaden. Man up, choose a woman and stop all this misery you’re going through. You have to change your destiny and you are in control of your future. It’s on you if some junkie skank like Faith ruins the best thing you have ever had in your life. Just sayin’.”

  “I know and you speak the truth, brother.” Jaden ground his cigarette into the ashtray provided. “Maybe it’s our history but I just can’t break loose of that bitch no matter how hard I try.”

  Kaz rolled his gorgeous blue-green eyes. “It’s up to you to find a way and I can’t hold your hand this time around. Syd is pregnant again and I have to be there for her. You’re going to have to man up and decide do you want to be miserable for the rest of your life or do you truly want to be happy? When all is said and done, those are the only two questions you should be asking yourself.”

  His brother glared at him with hurt amber
eyes before he looked away, afraid he’d show weakness if he allowed even one tear to fall.

  Kaz understood and slapped him on the back in a friendly gesture. “Come on, let’s get back to the studio. We have one more song to do before we call it a night.”

  Jaden nodded wordlessly as they left the smoking area and walked back into the high-tech building and put on their game faces. They had work to complete and a deadline to keep for their new album.

  Kaz knew one piece of the puzzle for certain: if they wanted to continue their success, they had to continue to produce albums. At the end of the day, despite their personal problems, their world came down to a single entity: rock n’ roll.

  KAZ DIDN’T ARRIVE home until well after seven in the evening. He found Syd out by the pool reading on her Kindle. She closed it as he walked over and embraced her before he stood and strolled to the outside bar. He poured a glass of Jack Daniels into a tumbler and drank the booze with a studied look of contemplation.

  Syd sat up, her blonde hair in a chignon as her steel-blue eyes glared at his back; he could feel the heat from her stare. “So, how was your day?”

  “Stressful and way too much drama to put up with for being a rock star if you really want to know.” He re-filled his tumbler before he walked over to her and sat at the foot of her comfortable lounge chair. “How’s Tal?”

  “Distraught, hanging on by a thread, and trying to keep her focus on work because it’s the only activity that brings her solace and peace. Why do you ask?”

  He pointed toward her Kindle. “What are you reading?”

  “An epic novel about bikers and how fucked up their world is. After she told me about Jaden and then her cousin, who’s also in a biker gang—the Demon’s Bastards to be precise—I got interested and started buying these biker books. Some are quite good and this author just nails the lifestyle.”

  She was silent for a few stolen moments. “It’s got to be harder on Trista than anyone else. She doesn’t want to cause any undue stress or pain on her cousin and she’s stronger than her eighteen years suggest. I’ve met her and she is quiet yet extremely perceptive and with all that beauty and fresh-faced girlishness, I can guarantee she is going to end up some rocker’s wife.”

  Kaz nodded. “I’ve seen her and Linx hanging around with one another a couple times but to be honest, it looked like just good fun. She wasn’t all over him and they spoke to one another more than anything.”

  “Yeah, I noticed how they were all up in each other’s faces the night of that get-together at Talia’s…” Syd trailed off as Kaz’s phone began to ring.

  “I have to take this,” he said before he walked away and answered the call. “What’s up?”

  “This is Paul, your financial advisor, remember me?”

  Kaz laughed on the other end. “Kind of hard to forget you when you have major pull in our business dealings. What’s going on?”

  “Well, a proposition has come up but I would rather discuss it with the whole band. My house, this weekend? You’re free to bring anyone you want.”

  “I’d rather just blend in with the crowd half the time, and not be famous at all.” Kaz sighed and knew he sounded like a fucking emo-rocker but he didn’t care. “I’m dying to know what the proposition is so I’m there. Let me talk to the other bandmates and I’ll get back to you but the answer is yes, of course. We’ll be there.”

  “Good to know.” Paul was silent on his end for a second before he inquired, “How’s Syd? I know you two have been through this before and…I hope the pregnancy isn’t too hard on her.”

  “She’s good. A few bouts with morning sickness but she doesn’t have the stress of the tour and I certainly think that played a part in what happened. The Gods of Rock Tour was worth every cent because it’s secured us all for the rest of our lives but…I don’t think touring and I will be friends for a while. Between the different hotels and Seth’s overdose…Faith being sent home to dry out, it was all too much.”

  “Well, that is one of the reasons why I am very excited to talk to you and the band about this opportunity. We both know Winter’s Regret is on the verge of breaking out to be as big as you and that was a once in a lifetime opportunity. The next time they go on tour, they’ll be headlining and…although Scarlet Fever is a legend of a group already, I don’t quite see you guys as the Rolling Stones.”

  Kaz scoffed loudly without realizing it. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “I mean you don’t exactly strike me as the type who wants to still be touring when you get to be in your late thirties, forties, fifties and sixties. Wouldn’t it be better if the audience came to you? What if you could perform your gigs in one place and have the safety and security of knowing you could make the kind of money on tour without traveling the world?”

  “Wait, are you saying what I think you’re sayin’? A hotel has offered us a permanent gig?”

  “Well, as you know, Vogue Hotel & Casino have prime real estate on the Strip. They bought the abandoned lot behind them where a casino went into bankruptcy and are building a state of the art concert arena. Only, they are modeling themselves after Caesars Palace and Planet Hollywood. They want to sign artists in two-year, iron-clad contracts where you would perform there for a number of nights…usually it’s three or four concerts per week. They’ve already signed Chyna Bleu so she will be performing three nights a week. They want to have variety, obviously.”

  “Well, this is definitely something that will be best talked about when we get there this weekend. As you know, we all have lives here in L.A. and that is quite a commitment—”

  “Oh, the executives are willing to wait until you finish recording your latest album. They understand how a decision like this can’t be made overnight. They’ve given your group a couple of months to make up your minds. Mostly because if you say no, they plan to offer the spot to another musician or band,” Paul explained in a professional manner.

  Kaz looked toward Syd who lay back and was busy reading her Kindle. “Yeah, we’ll definitely be there this weekend and I will discuss this with the guys. They should really have a say in this as well.”

  “Okay. Look forward to hearing from you and have a nice evening, Kasper.”

  “You too, Paul.” He ended the call and set his cell phone on the outdoor table before he strolled over and took a seat next to Sydney.

  “What’s going on?” she questioned though she didn’t look up from her Kindle.

  “I’m not sure yet.” His tone, non-committal.

  “It’s big news, huh?”

  “Huge.”

  This caused her blue-gray eyes to widen and she stared into his. “What do you mean when you say…huge?”

  Kaz sighed out loud. “There might be a possibility we will be living in Vegas for the next couple of years. Is that big enough for you?”

  The silence between them grew so thick, he could have heard a pin drop.

  Chapter Three

  Big Lights, Bright Vegas

  IN MY HASTE to carve out my own destiny and become my own person, I’d forgotten just one little tidbit. Being engaged to—and eventually marrying—a rock star, I would still be trapped in a certain way of life. I’d traded the gilded cage and safety of my mother and grandfather for another that sparkled and shimmered but all that glittered wasn’t gold.

  I’d felt like I’d already sacrificed so much when I’d gone on the tour and became the band’s bitch as a photographer. Then I was railroaded into doing the official Gods of Rock Tour book project with Laurel. And now this?

  I could see the look in Kaz’s eyes. He was excited about the opportunity to move to Vegas when all I could see was yet more instability in our lives.

  When would we ever settle down and make a home between the two of us? Where would we finally put down our roots? I was tired of running and for once, I was ready to put my foot down.

  I ran my hands nervously through my long, honey blonde locks. “Sweetie, we just got back from a six month t
our that was tiresome and grueling. Don’t you think we should rest a bit before we make a decision that will change our lives yet again? I’m expecting our child and I don’t want our life to be constant turmoil and strife. Fuck it, I just want us to get it over with and have our happy ending.”

  Kaz stood and sat beside me on the lounger before he cupped my face. “Babe, that’s what this life is about. You knew what you were doing the first night you stepped to me at your birthday party. Our life will be in constant flux but as long as we have one another then we are going to be all right. I love you with all my heart and you love me too. As long as we have one another, we can take on the world. It’s always gonna be you and me and I have to know you’re in my corner. Are you feelin’ me, babe?”