Only Love (The Atonement Duet Book 2) Read online

  “This has all been very enlightening but I have to go. My fiancé and I would like to spend some alone time together. I’ll talk to you soon, sister dearest. Remember the golden rule. If you breathe a word about what we have talked to be anyone who doesn’t already know, including your new lover extraordinaire Drake, your ass is going to be on the chopping block, not mine. I don’t want or intend for this to come out ever.”

  “Even if Mom still can’t get over our father’s death and hasn’t been the same since it happened? You’re willing to risk her life for your own happiness? What kind of human being are you?”

  “Since similar minds think alike, I would prefer to believe I am taking a page out of your book. Good night and goodbye.”

  Caitlyn hung up and I shut my phone off and breathed deeply until the urge to throw my iPhone against the wall passed me.

  That bitch! We had always been so close as siblings, and here she was lecturing me about what I could and shouldn’t talk about. If I wanted to have a true relationship with Drake then he would have to know what happened, what really transpired the night our father died, and I would tell him because I trusted him with all my heart.

  I knew it sounded like a case of insta-love and I couldn’t possibly know him well enough to tell him my deepest darkest secrets. Still, some part of me knew I could trust him and that was the part of my soul I always trusted.

  The time would eventually arrive when I would have to tell Drake about what really happened and the precise reason why I ended my engagement to Colin. Thank God that time wasn’t at the moment.

  Part Two

  Falling

  Chapter Thirteen

  Drake didn’t ask me about my conversation with Caitlyn and a part of me rejoiced.

  The next few weeks were pure bliss between us and while the tension between Colin and I was almost more than I could bear.

  It turned out he had started an affair with another woman, and for those few weeks, I was oblivious to who this mystery woman might be. I was in that hormonal bliss that happened right before a relationship was consummated.

  I was back to normal after my miscarriage and Drake was nothing but a gentleman. We often met at Rouge and had dinner there on his nights off, or when he was working we would spend his lunch break together. He would sip on a San Pellegrino or a Perrier while I nursed a glass of wine or one of the many imported champagnes the restaurant featured.

  While I didn’t realize Colin’s choice of women was too close for comfort, I was still reeling from my first meeting with Drake’s ex that had taken place approximately a month after I returned to work. I had just ended my shift at Ground Beans and as usual, I drove over to Rouge.

  Drake joined me several minutes later and kissed my cheek, wrapping his arms around me. “You look gorgeous as always. Busy day at work?”

  I smiled as the bartender, Brice, poured me a new pink Dom Perignon champagne they’d just received and I took it with flourish, sliding him a fifty dollar bill.

  “Always, but it’s easy work. How about you? What have you been up to?”

  He gave me a shy smile, those aquamarine eyes of his twinkling. “Actually, I have been a good boy and on my best behavior. The lady boss has arrived and she will frown on the two of us being seen together.”

  Drake barely had the words out of his mouth before an incredibly tacky and obviously newly rich woman stalked over in a tacky gold and turquoise leather Versace suit. The skirt barely skimmed her ass and her gold Tribute sandals clashed with all the gold jewelry she wore from a choker to gold bangles and gold rings which decorated several fingers on each hand.

  Her hair was dyed white blonde and it was obvious she had a head full of extensions because her hair reached mid-back in thick, luxurious waves while there were several well-hidden, much shorter pieces of hair blended perfectly. She had a golden tan and it only emphasized her ice blue eyes, sharp Slavic cheekbones, and collagen enhanced, scarlet-stained lips.

  “Mr. O’Connell, shouldn’t you be working?” she said with an air of authority, her talon-length, French manicured nails clicking on the marble counter of the bar.

  “I am on my lunch break, Ms. Shevchenko,” he responded in a businesslike tone.

  “And who is this person you are seated next to? I’ve seen you in here quite often. I am surprised we haven’t received a lawsuit from you due to your unfortunate incident five weeks ago,” she said, her eyes remaining pinned to Drake.

  I waited for her to make eye contact and held her gaze. “I have no intention of suing the restaurant. It’s nice to make your acquaintance. You must be Mikayla Shevchenko. My name is Deirdre Bardot.”

  Mikayla seemed taken aback by my forwardness but she quickly gathered her composure. “Mr. O’Connell is one of the best chefs alive and we are thrilled to have him here at Rouge. It’s hard because during your lunch break, clients complain and they won’t order until you return to the kitchen. You are costing us business.”

  “Well, Drake,” I said, “I guess I better let you get back to work then. I wouldn’t want you to get into any more trouble than it seems like you already are in. You better run back to the kitchen before you really get into hot water, so to speak.”

  He smiled, though it did not reach his eyes and quickly kissed me on the lips. “I’ll see you when I get off in a couple of hours.”

  “Do you want me to wait or meet you back at your place?”

  “Meet me back at my place.” He caressed the side of my face with a gentle left hand then he stood and walked back into the kitchen without acknowledging his business partner.

  Mikayla took his spot and ordered a dirty martini with Belvedere vodka. She glared my way again.

  Brice delivered the drink and waltzed off to get started on other patrons’ drink orders.

  “So, you’re the one who has been keeping our Drake occupied and the reason why he is no longer dedicated to the job?” she asked with a dry California accent.

  “I wouldn’t say that,” I said, then sipped from my champagne. “Drake is very much dedicated to his job and my presence wouldn’t lessen that. I suppose before I came into the picture his life wasn’t as varied as it”

  “That has got to be the understatement of the year,” she interrupted rudely. “I had a chef dedicated to his job and now that you have gone and gotten him all pussy-whipped, he can’t concentrate worth a damn.”

  I wanted to mention to her that Drake and I had yet to make love but seriously, who was it going to help? Perhaps he had allowed her to draw her own conclusions and hadn’t contradicted her either.

  Mikayla pursed her lips. “Well, is it or isn’t it true, Ms. Bardot? I’m dying to know whether or not it is fair your reputation precedes you.”

  “I honestly don’t think it’s any of your business so I refuse to answer any questions about my relationship with Drake,” I replied as I turned to stare at her with a look so frosty, she almost choked on her drink.

  “You’re assuming a lot, and one of those assumptions is that you are the only woman lusting after Drake. He’s been popular with the ladies for quite a while and has left his share of heartbroken females in his wake, myself included. I would give anything just to have another chance with him but that’s not the kind of person he is. Once he’s made up his mind, he doesn’t go back.”

  I turned my body toward hers. “What does this have to do with me?”

  “I’m just saying, he’s not the type of guy who believes in second chances. He’s stubborn as hell and lives life by his own rules. If you care about him then you wouldn’t dare do anything to put what you two have at risk.”

  I finished the rest of my champagne, stood, and grabbed my black Birkin leather handbag. “Thanks for the advice, but I have been over twenty-one for quite a while and I can take care of myself.”

  I walked out of the restaurant and directly to the valet, and handed him the slip to my car so he could bring it around.

  At least I knew where I stood and I was convince
d now more than ever that if I didn’t make a move, and soon, with Drake that he might be lost to me forever.

  ***

  Drake and I had agreed to meet back at his condo after he got off work, and I had a few hours to kill. It was about time Colin and I sat down for a real talk. Whatever we had between us was over and there would be no happy ending. I hated the thought he might believe I was leading him on and keeping him around just in case the situation between Drake and I didn’t work out.

  That was not the case at all. Whether Drake and I got together or not, I wouldn’t be going back to Colin. As far as I was concerned, the love I had for him was nothing more than platonic. Our relationship was simply not meant to be and I could accept that. Would he?

  I pulled up to the house Colin had purchased in La Jolla, a modern art-deco nightmare with an ocean view. He wasted so much money, because it had cost him a little over one million dollars.

  Secretly I had hoped he would have grown tired of California and hightailed it back to Seattle, but it seemed the temperate weather and hot women suited him. Colin had become a bad rash I couldn’t get rid of and there was nothing I could do about it.

  A lyric from Rihanna’s “Stupid in Love” appeared in my mind as I pushed the doorbell. I couldn’t do it. I refused to be another hopeless case where all I did was break up to make up and our life was nothing but never-ending drama. It wasn’t even part of my DNA and I refused to make it a situation in my life now.

  The double doors flew open and Cassie was standing there. This wouldn’t normally be an issue because who she shared her love life with was none of my business. However, I could ill afford a law suit and I had to wonder if as co-owner of my business, Colin had lost his mind.

  “Deirdre—sorry, I mean Ms. Bardot!” She crossed her arms against her breasts in a defensive stance. “What are you doing here?”

  “I could ask you the same question, especially since you are an employee of Ground Beans,” I replied without a trace of humor.

  “Uh…I uh…had to talk to Colin about something job related and he invited me over. Our relationship is strictly professional,” she answered a bit too quickly.

  She was as terrible of a liar as her age naturally reflected.

  A fucking college student, Colin? How original…then again you’re a man so when are your kind ever different?

  “Of course,” I said coldly. “Can you please fetch Colin for me, dear?”

  “Won’t you please come in?”

  “No thank you. I would rather wait out here.”

  I paced back and forth as she closed the door and waited impatiently for Colin. Moments later he appeared in a pair of ripped blue jeans and a white wife-beater. He looked like the same man I’d fallen in love with so easily. If I had known what he’d done to my family, I was sure it never would have happened, but life was nothing if not full of surprises.

  “Won’t you come in?” he said.

  He reached out for my arm and I stepped back. “Don’t you dare touch me when you have been fucking that little skank. Business my ass. I wasn’t born yesterday, Colin. I know what is going on between the two of you and don’t you dare deny it.”

  “I wouldn’t do that. Why should I be embarrassed? You’ve been sleeping with Drake and I haven’t said anything. You can have as much freedom as you need. Just know that eventually we will end up back together. Cassie is nothing but a really bad substitute until you come to your senses and realize we belong together.”

  “That’s what I came over about,” I said, glaring at him. “I don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  The tears came and before I knew it I was balling like a baby. I found a package of Kleenex in my bag and began wipe them. “There is no you and me and there never will be again. I think if you plan to stay here you should try to find a woman who makes you happy and not just a substitute until we get back together. I don’t see that happening now or any time in the near future.”

  Colin slipped an arm around my shoulders and I didn’t shrug away from his touch this time. “Deirdre, I understand Drake is a lot better than someone like Cassie. He’s an adult and he can handle himself. He is intellectual and incredibly seductive and intelligent. But he can’t possibly love you when he is still in love with another woman. He’s never gotten over Gisele, his French lover. Why do you think he never talks about her? At the end of the day, he only views you as ‘filler’ until he can get the one person he truly wants.”

  I shook my head sadly. I felt sorry for him because it was obvious he’d gone off the deep end and was living in Cloud Cuckoo land. “You don’t know anything about him.”

  “I know he took you to Baja to pick up drugs for the Shevchenko family.” Colin’s face changed from arrogant to crestfallen. “Oh, you had no idea? Did you think it was just a romantic trip? Unfortunately for you, he owes them big time, and even if he doesn’t end up with the French woman he wants, he’ll probably end up with Mikayla just to stop all the favors they keep calling him in to do.”

  I didn’t want to believe a word he said but I had to know how he would have known about our trip to Ensenada. “How do you know he’s doing favors for the Shevchenko family?”

  “I have my ways. What makes you think I would play fair when it comes to the woman I love? I don’t want you to end up with him so I am willing to pay for information. Especially on the player you happen to be sleeping with.”

  “We have yet to consummate our relationship.” I bit my lower lip. “All this could be the truth but I’m not willing to risk a future with him over rumors that may or may not be true. I will ask him myself. If he did take me there and he was picking up a package then I am sure he has a valid reason for not telling me.”

  “And what would that be, huh, Deirdre? If you were stopped by Border Patrol or Homeland Security, he was carrying enough cocaine and heroin to bury you both under the jail cells. What would have been your excuse? I’m afraid the ‘Babe in the Woods’ routine wouldn’t have worked very well with Drug Enforcement Agents.” I backed away from him. “I don’t know what’s true and what isn’t, Colin. All I know is that you can’t keep trying to sabotage every relationship that doesn’t consist of you and I. We are no longer a couple and the sooner you realize that, the better off you will be in the long run.”

  “You can’t mean that, Deirdre. We were supposed to get married. We were expecting a baby togeth—”

  “A baby that belonged to Liam, not you, so don’t you dare play the sympathy card yet again.”

  Colin grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me. “I know but that doesn’t change anything. The child would have belonged to you and I because we were going to raise him together.”

  “Whatever existed between you and me is never going to happen again.” I looked toward his front door. “Have a nice life with Cassie. And by the way, tell her she’s fired. It’s a conflict of interest—your romantic relationship with her—pure and simple. She can be your lover all she wants but she cannot work for Ground Beans and fuck you at the same time. Good luck to her future employment but it won’t be with my company.”

  “Don’t you mean our company?”

  “Whatever. It’s not okay and you of all people ought to know that. I don’t want to see her at work again.”

  “Don’t you walk away from me!”

  “Goodbye, and have a nice life. Drake is waiting for me.”

  I turned my back on him and walked toward my car. I’d said my piece and I was ready to move on with my life.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Colin

  Colin was definitely not okay. In fact, he was seething with anger as he watched his former fiancée walk off after she’d practically forced the relationship she had with Drake down his throat.

  He knew what he had told her was damaging and she would most definitely ask her lover about it, but it wasn’t enough. He honestly thought it would shock her into submission, then again,
after what he and Liam had put her through, could she be surprised about anything at all anymore?

  Although Colin hated to admit it, sometimes he felt he’d made the biggest mistake of his life by telling her the truth. And what was so awful about the whole situation was his brother had begged him not to do it.

  Liam had shared the truth with Caitlyn, and hers and Deirdre’s reactions were night and day. Yes, Caitlyn had been beyond upset. She’d thrown dishes at Liam and cried until there were no more tears, but at the end of the day, she had no wish for her fiancé to serve any time in prison for a crime that was behind them. Their father was gone and she was more than ready to move on and make a life with Liam.

  Deirdre had acted so understanding at first, then had a major breakdown, left the state, and now wanted nothing to do with him regardless what he tried to do to make it up to her. He had to throw in the towel and admit he was fighting a losing battle. It most definitely seemed like he’d lost the one woman he loved forever.

  Colin walked back inside his house and slammed the doors behind him. He went to his Bose stereo and turned on some classic Deftones. “Digital Bath” started as he strolled to the bar and made himself a Macallan Speymalt 1980 whiskey and drank down the double shot in one swallow before pouring another.

  Cassie emerged from the kitchen. She looked so beautiful in the simple pale blue wrap dress she wore, but she wasn’t Deirdre. Although their sex life had improved somewhat, it couldn’t be healthy that he had to think of his ex-fiancée to have an orgasm with her. “Is everything okay?” she asked. “I heard what she said about me and I’m not exactly sure what I’m supposed to make of that. I mean, the woman has fired me and I needed that job. What the hell am I supposed to do now?”