Only Love (The Atonement Duet Book 2) Page 5

  I quickly pulled my cousin into my bedroom as soon as I’d escaped that awkward situation and asked, “What the hell is going on here? Why is Colin sitting on my sofa like nothing happened between the two of us?”

  Aubrey stuck her hands in the back of her electric blue jeggings which matched her black short-sleeved peasant blouse and avoided my gaze. “He came by and Drew felt sorry for him. He’s not here to do you any harm and he doesn’t want to fight with you. Please act cordial with him and this will go so much smoother.”

  “What makes you think I would make a scene? I just got out of the hospital for Christ’s sake. I’m not in the position to argue with anyone but I didn’t think I would have to be on the defensive in my own home either.”

  “He said he would leave you alone, and if you were ready to talk then…it would be up to you.” She nervously slid a lock of her newly dyed auburn hair behind her ear. “Don’t you think you should speak to him? Doesn’t he at least deserve that?”

  “Aubrey,” I warned.

  She grabbed me by the shoulders and gently shook me. “No, Deirdre, listen to what you’re saying and realize you’re behaving like a complete and utter fool. You act like he killed someone for God’s sake. What could he have done that is so awful you can’t find it in your heart to forgive him? I’m sorry, but the way you’re treating him just doesn’t make any sense whatsoever.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about. What happened between Colin and I is no one’s business and I’m not at liberty to tell you either, so you’re going to have to trust me on this.”

  “He didn’t…physically hurt you, did he? Because you know I will kill the son of a bitch myself.”

  “No, he wouldn’t ever touch me in that way.” I removed her hands from my shoulders and turned away from her so I wouldn’t have to lie to her face. “We drifted apart. We still love each other dearly but something happened before we got together and it cost us our relationship. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, it just happened. He didn’t think he’d feel the way he felt but he did, and it was better for us not to be together than to stay together and continue to hurt each other.”

  “If that is the case and if what happened was so terrible, can’t you try to work it out now? I don’t like this whole idea of you getting involved with Drew’s cousin. Something about Drake rubs me the wrong way. I mean…he claims to be broken up with this Mikayla but how do you know they won’t get back together?”

  I turned toward Aubrey. “Wait, how do you know about Drake’s relationship with Mikayla?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Drew told us about it while we were waiting for you two to come back from the hospital. Did you know he’s the prodigal son of Drew’s aunt, who happens to be his mother’s sister? He was disowned and somehow he got involved with the Ukrainian mob. Maybe you should ask him how he meets people like that.”

  “I truly don’t think it’s any of my business, Aubrey. You’ve known some pretty shady people in your time. How the hell did you meet them?” I snapped back, not feeling in the most generous of moods and tired of arguing with my cousin.

  “I have met some shady people but I don’t try to pretend I’m anything other than what I am. Poor trash from the wrong side of the tracks who hit the jackpot when a man like Drew decided to take a chance on me. You didn’t grow up in the school of hard knocks and you’ll never know what it’s like to be used and abused for money.”

  Aubrey stopped talking and looked me dead in the eyes. “Don’t you know how much I envy you for that? You have been so lucky up until the unfortunate incident when your father was taken from you and Caitlyn in the most awful of circumstances. But believe me when I say that Drew still loves you very much. I would hazard a guess to say you have two men who are still in love with you: my boyfriend…and Colin.

  “He would do anything to get you back, Deirdre. Anything. Whatever happened between you two just doesn’t end because a relationship hits rough sailing. Don’t go down the path of starting an affair with a man who knows some very dangerous people. It isn’t good for you, and if this Mikayla still has any feelings for Drake then you’re screwed. I wouldn’t put it past her to try to have you knocked off because she felt you to be a threat. That’s all I am saying. Tread carefully with Drake, and remember Colin will always there for you. I don’t think he would even know how to leave your side. You two were meant to be together. Isn’t that enough for you?”

  I stared back at my cousin with determination and renewed strength. “I honestly don’t know, Aubrey.”

  Chapter Eight

  Somehow, despite the odds, I made it through dinner with Drake to my left and Colin to my right. It started out awkwardly, but once the alcohol began to flow, everyone loosened up and I remembered what a great person Colin still was and how much fun he was to be around.

  Drake was even more of a gem, and the better he acted toward my situation with Colin, the more sexually attracted I felt to him. It wasn’t that I didn’t love Colin, but my feelings for Drake were different. More intense and not so readily identifiable in the strictest sense with no rhyme or reason, and that was what I had a hard time wrapping my head around.

  In every way he was the opposite to Colin who was blond, blue eyed, and fair skinned. Drake was dark, with the exception of those beautiful eyes, with lightly tanned skin, a five o’clock shadow, and that air of being a bad boy Colin could never quite pull off because he had such an innocent face and a calm disposition. Drake radiated danger, and somehow I found myself drawn to him like the old moth to a flame cliché.

  Shortly after dinner we all gathered in the living room but before I could sit down properly with my third glass of Pinot Grigio, Colin touched my arm gently. “Do you think it would be all right if we talked out on the patio for a moment?” He paused, his crystal blue eyes bright with early signs of intoxication but he was far from drunk. “Seriously, just talk, nothing else. I promise I won’t try to corner you or make you do anything you don’t want to do.”

  I looked in Drake’s direction but he was too busy talking cuisine with Drew and Aubrey. “All right, but I’m warning you now I’ve made up my mind and I won’t be coming back to Seattle any time soon.”

  “You made that perfectly clear in the hospital,” he said in an even-toned voice.

  We stepped out to my patio. Both of us felt more comfortable leaning against the balcony, him with his Heineken and me with my glass of Pinot.

  “Deirdre, I’m not here to try to talk you out of your relationship with Drake because it’s obvious to me and everyone else you’ve made up your mind.”

  “Hold up. First of all, I am not in a relationship with Drake,” I replied defensively.

  Colin touched my cheek then snatched his hand away as if I’d burned him. “He’s going to make his move soon enough and you’re more than receptive. I can see that. Although it hurts my heart very much and the thought of another man touching you makes my blood boil, I will deal with it because that is what friends do. I realize you no longer want to marry me but I have always cherished our friendship, Deirdre. I do intend to stay here in La Jolla because it’s where you’re happy.”

  “What about your business with Drew? I mean, if you tell me you’re going back to bar jobs and being a barista with your Harvard degree then I will personally kill you myself.”

  “I will still own the bar with Drew but he and Aubrey can handle it while I’m away. I want to buy in on your coffee shop and co-own Ground Beans with you. We both know I am more knowledgeable about the coffee industry than you are so I would be more than happy to help,” he said with a hint of snarkiness.

  I laughed. “I would love to act all tough shit and tell you to take your money and shove it but I do need all the help I can get with Ground Beans. I know you would be a lot better handling the employees than I am and you’re right, I miss our friendship too. More than you could ever know.”

  He leaned against the railing, the gentle breeze ruffling his hair. “They say ev
erything happens for a reason and I always thought those people were full of shit, but perhaps we needed that to happen and maybe you do deserve some time away from me. You may think I am being a bit of a wimp but I have my ulterior motives. I am secretly hoping you and Drake crash and burn so I can be here to pick up the pieces.”

  I smiled wryly. “Well, at least you’re honest.”

  Colin leaned in toward me and if I didn’t have cramps from hell ravaging my body, I might have taken him up on the offer his body language was sending out to me loud and clear. At the last minute, I chickened out and backed away.

  “This can’t happen. But to answer your question, yes, I am still very much attracted to you. I can’t promise you anything though, because I’m not sure what I want and until I do, it isn’t fair to you or me.”

  “You’re right.” He pulled me closer to him and buried his face in my hair. “I miss doing this more than anything. Does that sound cheesy?”

  “No.” My arms slid around his neck and the feel of his body pressed against mine was almost more than I could take.

  I had no idea what the hell I wanted. It was a good thing I couldn’t do anything with anyone right then.

  I don’t remember when we separated but eventually we let each other go and walked back inside. The little get together continued for a couple more hours, then Colin left with Drew and Aubrey. I didn’t realize I wasn’t alone until I heard the toilet flush in the hallway bathroom and Drake emerged moments later.

  I smiled at him. “Well, aren’t you just as sneaky as your cousin? I thought you’d left.”

  He grinned back, walked over to me, and pushed his body against mine. There was nothing gentlemanly about his behavior. “Nope, not on your life, woman. I wanted some quality time with you too like your ex enjoyed on the balcony. I noticed you two didn’t kiss. Can I ask why?”

  He was too close to me and he smelled so good, a mixture of some expensive cologne and his own manly scent. I was intoxicated by too much Pinot Grigio and the sheer maleness of Drake O’Connell. His nose was pressed against mine intentionally. He didn’t want us to kiss but we were close enough.

  “I don’t want to confuse Colin. It’s not fair to lead him on when I’m not sure what it is I want at this time in my life.”

  He leaned his face into the crook of my neck and whispered into my ear, “What do you want, Deirdre?”

  “I don’t know, but I have never been part of one of these…triangles. I feel a little bit out of my comfort zone, and definitely out of my depth. It’s not fair and I curse my female hormones. How could I want you when we are around one another in this rush of lust, yet I know I still love Colin and could go back to him? Maybe not now, but eventually I would cave. I can’t be around him every day and not think we might be better off together than apart.” I tried not to allow his chin, pressed firmly against the left side of my collar bone, to send any shivers down toward my belly.

  For God’s sake, even if I wanted to get freaky with him or any other man, it wasn’t a possibility. A miscarriage wasn’t as simple as it sounded, and I was still discharging downstairs like I was on my period. I liked sex as much as the next young person but never during that time of the month, and I might as well be suffering through a period as far as I was concerned.

  Drake pulled away from me and took a step back. We were still too close for comfort as far as I was concerned.

  “What do you mean you two will be around each other all the time? He’s not going back to Seattle?”

  “No, he’s not. He’s offered to buy half of the coffee shop, and I have agreed to sell it to him. I don’t know what I’m doing and he’s always been better at the food industry gig than I could ever be. He’s determined to stay in La Jolla for a while. He isn’t prepared to give up on me yet.”

  Drake took my hand and we walked to the sofa in the living room. He sat down and I sat next to him, our thighs touching intimately. He turned toward me and his pale greenish blue eyes looked intensely into mine.

  “I know I must have come off as some kind of player. You see earrings, tattoos, and the mob connection because I share a restaurant with my ex who happens to be part of the Shevchenko crime family but…I was born and raised the same way as Drew. We weren’t that different growing up, and my family was highly disappointed I turned out the way I did.”

  His palm was warm but soft and dry. “I should be running for Congress, not owning some ritzy restaurant in La Jolla with a family that could end my family’s political career. It makes no difference they disowned me. I am still the perpetual embarrassment, and I can accept that. However, I don’t want you to think I am any less conventional than someone like Colin.”

  “I’m not exactly sure what you mean. I’m a one-man woman and don’t believe in any sort of behavior that would have me torn between two men. If something happens between the two of us then Colin will understand, and he isn’t the type who would expect anything other than my loyalty and friendship. There is nothing wrong with that to me. Don’t you still talk to Mikayla?”

  A fierce hardness immediately etched itself into Drake’s features. “No, I don’t. I can’t stand the bitch. She broke my heart and ended a friendship between me and someone I’ve known since we were in culinary school together. It was a joke to her and they’re still dating, if you call getting together for bootie calls dating.”

  “It’s a bit different for Colin and I. We were engaged, and I still care very deeply for him. A lot of the anger I felt for him simply isn’t there and I can’t just cut him out of my life.”

  Drake stood, turned toward me, and plastered a less than genuine smile on his face. “To a certain extent that makes sense, but I gotta tell you that I am extremely attracted to you, Deirdre. I am thirty-one years old and I’m not getting any younger. You’re worldly and intelligent, you have a good head on your shoulders, and I know you wouldn’t be the type to cheat. All of those are very important qualities to me in a potential partner. You are perfect for me.”

  “I feel the same way, Drake, but I am very loyal to my friends and family. I can’t just cut people out of my life. I hope you can come to terms with that. If something happens between us you have to allow me to be friends with Colin. He’s my ex-fiancé and though I don’t think we can be in a romantic relationship, I do treasure his friendship.”

  “We’ll talk about this at another time, okay?” He leaned over and kissed my cheek. “You rest now and I’ll let myself out. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “Night, Drake.”

  “Goodnight, Deirdre.”

  The moment I heard the door close, I slid the deadbolt in place and went to my bedroom, changing into a pair of comfy pajamas.

  I had no idea what the future held but I did know that if I decided to enter a relationship with Drake, my friendship with Colin would become a problem. What exactly did Drake find so threatening about my ex-fiancé? Perhaps it was just a male thing and he simply had no wish for me to be friends with someone I had been intimate with, though that just seemed a bit silly in this day and age. Our relationship had not ended amicably but we were both trying to make the best of a bad situation.

  I wouldn’t worry about that now. It was all too dreary and depressing and I wanted to concentrate on the present.

  Chapter Nine

  I didn’t expect to receive another visit from Liam and Caitlyn but they decided to stop by a day later on their way to the airport. Drake and I had a date planned for that night, while Colin had work of his own to do between purchasing a new place to live and going over the paperwork attached to the business.

  They both looked dashing and healthy. They made the perfect couple because Liam was so masculine and tall against Caitlyn’s gentle feminine curves and Nordic beauty. She truly was a gorgeous young woman and next to her, while I didn’t feel exactly unattractive, I was merely good looking in comparison.

  However, by the way my future brother-in-law observed me, you would think he was looking over a delicious
morsel that escaped his attention. Not that it was the truth at all; if we had never had our one night stand there would have never been a baby and I wouldn’t have had to go through a pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage.

  Now that I thought about it, Liam had every reason to feel like the cat with the cream—he’d had us both and now had the proper woman on his arm. My sister was a dream come true and she would also make a great wife and mother.

  I’d just gotten out of the shower and had my hair thrown up in a ponytail, wearing a pair of black jean shorts that showed off my legs to the best benefit and a white halter top.

  “Looks like you are coming along just fine,” Caitlyn said as she and Liam sat down on the love seat. “No one would have known you’d spent the last few days in the hospital.”

  “Try telling my nether region area that shit. I am still in a lot of pain and until I heal completely, I can’t do anything below the waist so I am miserable.”

  “Perhaps that’s best,” my sister said coolly. “It’s how you got in trouble in the first place, and we’d be blind to see you aren’t making your move toward this Drake character.”

  Liam took Caitlyn’s hand. “We just wanted to say goodbye. Unfortunately, some of us have real jobs and we only took a few days off. Stay in touch and let us know how it is being caught in a tug o’war with two men who want you.”

  I sipped from my coffee and ended up burning my tongue. “First of all, I am not making any moves toward Drake because we’re just friends. And second of all, how is my love life any of your business?”

  “Your love life, as you so succinctly put it, became my business when you fucked my boyfriend,” Caitlyn said rather loudly and rudely.

  An awkward silence settled between the three of us. I looked Liam’s way and he diverted his gaze to my polished hardwood floor.

  “Caitlyn, darling, you and Liam weren’t going out when we had sex. And since we don’t plan to indulge again, what either one of us did before I became involved with Colin and you became involved with Liam is none of your business.” I clutched the hot coffee cup in my hand so tightly I could feel the scald against my tender flesh.